Born Yesterday

- OK. Let's do some business. - Welcome to Washington, Harry.

Ed. I hate this town. You know my sister's kid, JJ?

- Pleasure to see you... - Don't give him a speech!

Talk to me. You set up the hotel?

Everything is in order. Here's some stuff by that reporter I told you about.

Are you still going to make me do that interview?

Look over this New Republic article he wrote on the EEC.

He's not some do-gooder with an axe to grind on my neck, is he?

You don't want a pushover, Harry.

If Paul gives you the thumbs-up, it's a big deal in this town.

Think he knows anything?

God, no! That's why it's good for you to meet him up front.

It shows you have nothing to hide.

Uncle Harry.

Jesus Christ! Hey!

- Billie! - What?

When a door opens on a plane, you get out!

Move it!

They've arrived.

Welcome to the Willard, Mr Brock. I hope you had a pleasant journey.

Here he is. Remember, treat him nicely, don't try to con him. Just be yourself.

- Paul! Good to see you again. - Hello, Ed. How are you?

No more hardnosed investigative stuff, huh?

Your man doesn't have a problem with that, does he?

No! You're just interviewing businessmen now.

You know what they say, Ed. The business of America is business.

Harry Brock, this is Paul Verrall.

The writer. I know. I liked that thing you did for the New Republic on the EEC.

Well...

Thank you.

The suite is newly remodelled, the marble is Italian

and this wonderful glass comes from the South of France.

We're specially proud of these atria,

which give this suite a lovely, open quality.

- I hope Mrs Brock is satisfied? - She's not Mrs Brock.

- That's fine. - You bet it's fine.

There's only one Mrs Brock and she's my mother. And she's dead.

I'm sorry...

Listen. Anybody that works in this room,

tell them to do it good, do it fast, nobody gets hurt.

I don't like a lot of people around, and I don't like waiting.

Of course, Mr Brock.

- Like to save my life? - With soda or plain water?

- Plain. - Coming right up.

- Paul, would you like a drink? - I'm fine, Ed, thanks.

- If there's anything I can do... - There is.

Go into Billie's room and see she gets everything she wants.

She asks for somethin', I'm asking. What about those white flowers?

The gardenias? All taken care of.

Did you get that other stuff?

Diet cream soda, the bean dip, tweezers and cucumber masks?

- All taken care of. - All right. JJ! Handle him.

Chauncy! Over here.

Billie!

What?

- Well? - What?

- Not bad, huh? - Not bad.

Not bad? You know what this is costing me a night?

$6,500, you already told me.

- So? - So, I don't like new towns.

You have to learn all new channels.

It took me almost a minute to find my soap!

So, what's this gonna be, pal? A plug or a pan?

I like to know these things. Then I know how to talk if I know your angle.

No angle. Just the facts.

A pan. Listen, I gotta do my stairs and stuff. Are you OK with that?

Sure.

Good! JJ, get a barber up here for when I get back.

Grab my sweats, we're outta here.

I'm talking to you cos Ed told me to.

I pay him a couple of hundred grand a year for advice.

I'd be a fool not to take it.

Excuse me, mind if I...?

Anyway, go ahead. Give me your best shot.

How much money have you got?

- What am I, an accountant? - You don't know?

Not exactly.

Fifty million?

Honest to God, I don't know.

- Ten million? - Maybe.

- One million? - More!

- How much more? - How much you got?

I've saved a little.

You don't save money, bud, you make it!

This is the worst time of day, after the soaps but before Entertainment Tonight.

I have some papers for you to sign.

What happened to all that stuff I signed yesterday?

The back page of each set. By the Xs.

It seems like I signed about 10,000 of these.

That's what you get for being a multiple corporate officer!

Is that what I am?

No wonder I'm having so much fun.

Is it true you spent 400 million on your new complex?

Brock Village. Finest thing ever built.

2,000 condos, 175 shops...

...and two-count 'em-two golf courses. My masterpiece.

- Did you have to take on a lot of debt? - You gotta spend it to make it, pal.

Not too vigorous, honey. I get 'em done every day.

Just buff 'em up real nice.

How's the interview going?

Oh, great! I found out he has parents.

I still don't know why he came to Washington.

Just a little tax business.

I didn't believe him either.

So far, I've been nice to you. What are you pumping me for?

That's a reporter's work, Mr Brock.

Who, what, when, where, how...

...and why. - Sounds like a law firm to me.

- You know how much I hate lawyers. - I can vouch for that!

Are you ever afraid that you're gonna lose all this?

Never. I want it all too much.

What about things that are beyond your control, like... fate?

You show me a businessman believes in fate,

I'll show you the first businessman who ever went broke.

I started with a wagon, selling somebody's junk.

And I got here in a silk suit, talking to a college know-it-all like you.

If I lose it, I'll meet you right back here in this room,

in a new silk suit.

Why would you lose it all, Mr Brock?

Hey, wait a minute!

Where do you think you're going with that?

- My room. - Put it back.

- I just wanted... - Put it back.

We have a party to go to.

I don't see why I can't...

Because I say you can't, that's why! Put it back!

Do what I'm tellin' you!

What'll you take to cut his throat, barber?

Harry, don't get so upset...

Don't tell me what to do.

You don't have to be so formal around me, Harry!

- Relax, be yourself. - Excuse me.

Uncle Harry, we gotta be at the Duffees' at seven o'clock.

Is that Alex Duffee, the Secretary of the Navy?

- JJ, would you get my briefcase? - Sure, Ed.

Sorry about the blow-up. Short fuse.

But I like talking to you.

You make me laugh.

Finally, a purpose in life.

- How about you working for me? - Harry, I don't think...

Did I ask you?

- Let the man answer. - What would I do?

What do you care? We'll find something for you.

I don't think so, Mr Brock. Thanks for the offer.

- See you around, pal. - Sure.

Not a bad guy for an egghead. Send him a gift, a pen or something.

You pissed at me?

No.

You don't look right. Want an aspirin?

No, Harry, I'm fine.

Considering I've been dead for 12 years, I feel great.

Now with your abdominals contracted, buttocks tight,

you're going to be lifting the leg, starting with the contraction.

Here you go. And... contract.

And lift it. CP, OK?

CL, contract and lift. Contract and lift...

Hey!

- Tomorrow, we meet the lobbyists. - I want congressmen... Billie!

What?

Hurry up. We're going down. Meet you in the car.

JJ'll wait.

I can't just phone Congress...

I leveraged my ass to build Brock Village.

If that base closes, I'm looking at four million square feet of squat

and I'm signing Chapter Eleven papers.

Relax. That's the beauty of putting the companies in Billie's name.

They can't be taken to settle any debts.

Technically, they're not your companies.

If I lose Brock Village, what's to say I can't lose everything else?

This is your fault! I want names.

- Tomorrow, I've got lunch scheduled... - Tonight, tonight!

Tonight, you'll see Senator Hedges, head of Appropriations.

He's behind in his fundraising and his race is very tight.

- That's what I wanna hear. - But Harry...!

He's not a construction foreman. The machinations required...

Don't Harvard talk me. I didn't make my money by being an idiot.

Where the hell's Billie?

Calm yourself, I'm here.

- Does she look OK to you? - What's the matter with how I look?

- That's what I wanna know. - What do you know?

You open beer cans with your teeth!

- You look beautiful, Billie. - Thank you, Ed.

Are you sure? I don't wanna start off on no left foot.

- I'm sure, I'm sure. - That's OK. That's beautiful!

JJ, you stay here.

- Good evening, Alex! - Hi, Ed. How are you?

- May I introduce my friend... - Harry Brock, nice to meet you.

And Miss Billie Dawn.

What a beautiful name! This is my wife, Beatrice.

Hello, how are you?

Charmed!

Hi, nice to meet you.

Hello, Bea.

Senator Dorn and his wife Lilly...

Senator, Harry Brock, pleasure to meet you. Hi.

And Senator and Mrs Hedges.

Senator, good to see you.

Billie, this is Senator Hedges.

Yeah, that's what he said.

- What brings you to town? - Sightseeing, taking it easy.