Gone Fishin'

This summer's gonna be great, right, Gus?

Yeah, it can't get any worse than last summer. That's for sure.

See, last summer was a learning experience.

For instance, we learned where my father keeps his cigars.

Now, Joe, you shouldn't be smokin'. Man, it's bad for you.

Rolled on the thighs of Cuban honeys.

I swear, this summer's gonna be a ten.

Ten plus.

Borderline 1 1 !

See? I told you not to be smoking.

Holy smokes!

Hey, Gus.

Hey, Joe.

Oh, Gus!

- This is gonna be great, isn't it? - It's gonna be a ten, Joe.

A ten? A ten plus.

Borderline 1 1 !

- It's quiet in here, Joe. - Boy, it is.

I wonder where everybody is.

Oh, it sounds like they're in the kitchen.

I don't care what they say, all right?

It doesn't matter what people say .

But they called pops and uncle Gus jerks.

If they were jerks,

they wouldn't have won the fishing contest.

We weren't gonna let them get away with this.

All right, you heard me. No more fightin', all right?

- Your fathers are not jerks. - Yeah, tell that--

hey, w-what's goin' on?

Take a look at your sons.

Were you guys, uh, playin' football again?

They're gonna be good football players, Joe.

They sure are, Gus. They're gonna be great like Gus.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, does anybody want to help us pack or what?

- I want to help-- - would you help your fathers?

But I wanna just tell you one thing.

Uh-oh, here comes little miss one thing's speech.

Gus, this Billy ''catch'' pooler's the best, ain't he?

Even though they say that only idiots use these lures,

it's the idiots who ain't using 'em that's the idiots.

We won his fishin' contest, Joe. Man, I can't believe it!

- And remember-- - he's the greatest, Joe.

Dad, look. Are you gonna wear your shorts?

Yeah, they're my lucky shorts.

Baby, get my lucky shorts too, okay?

You gotta be the one you want to catch.

- Yeah, you can have that. - Hey, keep packing, guys.

It's the hands, the hands. Believe in your hands.

You gotta flick. Flick.

- And dip. - Dip.

- Flick. - Flick.

- And dip. - Dip.

Okay, everybody, come on. Let's help the contest winners pack.

Okay, everybody. You're doing a good job.

Okay, everybody out now.

- 'Cause me and aunt cookie-- - thanks. All right.

--We wanna say one thing to your fathers.

- Find mine, Tracey. - All right, listen.

We know how important this trip is to you. We really do.

But I just gotta say this one thing. One thing.

- Thanksgiving's on Thursday, you know? - Thursday.

And call me silly, but I'm worried...

That you're gonna end up in the hospital or somethin' like last year.

- Or in jail like you did the year before. - Yeah.

Everything's gonna be fine. Yeah, this is gonna be good.

Come on. Everything's okay.

But here's the thing. You've gone fishin' every year since before we knew you,

and so far everything has never been okay and fine.

And you've never been as far away as Florida.

But that's why this trip is so nice. That's why it's so important.

I mean, we're goin' to the everglades. That's the biggie, right, Joe?

Yeah, the everglades. Hey, listen to this.

We're gonna catch tarpon, snook, pompano--

- catch this. - I know you'll love that.

If you two are not back by Thanksgiving,

we have agreed to kill you.

Yeah, that's what's gonna happen.

Whooooo! Whooooo!

Donna, don't forget now,

because I want that recipe.

Football. Don't forget football.

Bye.

- Okay. Hey, 4:30. - 4:30.

- You know, 4:30. - Open this door.

- You got the key, lady? - No. Here.

- Good morning. - Good morning. Hi, honey.

Joe?

- Got the boat? - Check.

- Coupons? - Check.

- Beer, gear, dramamine? - Check, check, check.

- Insert Billy ''catch'' pooler tape. - Check that too.

We've gone fishin'!

''What on earth could make a man happier...

Than o.F.H. In the g.O.M.?''

what's that stuff you was readin'?

O.F.H., g.O.M.? What's that mean?

That's optimum fishing hour in the Gulf of Mexico.

Hmm, alligators. Hey, Joe, listen to this.

''Alligators will attack their prey, but not eat them immediately.

''Often, they will drag their unlucky half-dead victim...

''Into their cave, where they will let the carcass rot,

nibbling on them at their delight.''

a-and this too.

''Legend has it that alligators are vengeful creatures.

''If threatened or disturbed,

''they will become obsessed with their target, not resting...

Until they have successfully unleashed their retribution.''

ohhh! Obsessed?

Yeah, obsessed, man. I mean, they could follow you to the end of the world.

Wow! Hey, check this out.

Boy, holy smokes. Hey, Gus, we don't have to worry about that, right?

- We're gonna be fishin', right? - Right, right, right, right.

Yeah. Hey, Joe, it-it's nice gettin' away, man.

Oh, yeah.

The little one weighs 62.

Boy, that's somethin'!

Yeah, she's pretty good, huh?

It's a killer!

I-it's okay.

And it's got some fish.

Yeah. Hey, what kind of fish is that?

- Ah, a grouper. - Grouper, huh? And what's this?

That's a strawberry grouper.

Strawberry grouper, huh? I thought it was a salmon.

- Yeah, that's a strawberry grouper. - What's this one, Gus?

- Kingfish. - Kingfish, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, Gus, if we had money, we'd set this up different, right?

We'd catch a lot of fish.

- Yeah, who needs it? - Yeah.

- Guys who can't fish. - Exactly.

L-look at it this way Gus. You was a great football player, right?

Yeah.

If a great football player got a bad football--

- he's still a great football player. - Exactly.

Hey, how about this clean, fresh Florida air?

Hey, a real Florida palm tree in the flesh.

Holy smoke! Gus, I never thought I'd see a palm tree.

- I feel like a million dollars, Joe. - I feel like two million.

Let's go eat.

- And then fish. - Yeah.

No, no. You got the last one. It's on me. Forget about it.

Hey, Joe, check out them ugly sticks.

Hey, don't say that.

- They gonna break. - You got number nine ready?

Here you go.

Let's sit over here. Hey, don't say that.

Hey, Gus, I can't friggin' believe you. You tell me, ''look at these ugly chicks.''

I was gonna laugh right in their faces over there.

I said, ''ugly sticks.'' For fishin'.

Oh, I thought you said ''ugly chicks'' 'cause this girl's sittin' there.

You gotta have ugly sticks here because they feed a lot of fishermen.

- Hiya. - Hi.

Y'all know what you want?

Uh--

hey, Gus. What do you think, Gus? Should I get this Southern plate?

Then you can have my toast and my bacon.

Yeah, then I'll get the Fisherman's feast,

and you can have my sausage and pancakes.

If you're gonna do that,

why don't I get the mariner and you can have the whole side of ham?

Oh, never mind us. This happens all the time.

Must be enjoyable for ya.

May I suggest the Panama platter? It really hit the spot.

- Oh, yeah? - Thanks.

Um... what do you think? Shall we get a couple of those?

- Yeah, a couple of those. - Two of those?

- A couple of those, yeah. - Yeah. Thanks.

- Gus, check this out. - Yeah.

- Pure Billy ''catch'' pooler. Watch this. - Okay.

Back, drop.

- Back, drop. - Y-you're flickin' too much.

- I can't get the flick. - Okay, wait. Let me show you.

Which is the flick and which is the dip?

It's in the wrist. Think of flick instead of flip.

- Flick. - Flick, dip.

See, I can't--i get the flick and the dip mixed all the time.

- Uh, pardon me. - Oh, sorry.

I couldn't help noticing you have a fishing lure on your key ring.

Yeah.

That wouldn't be a deadly invader, would it?

It is!

- You fish? - Not professionally.

You could call me a frustrated amateur.

You're a frustrated amateur.

- That's good. - I was just kiddin'. Just makin' a joke.

- It was a joke. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

What about you two? You're professionals, right?

Well, I guess you could say that, in a way.

We're semi-pro. We won a lot of fishin' medals and things like that.

- Not lately, though. - Well, scout camp--

that counts, doesn't it? Stuff like that.

- Sorry, the reason I ask is--sorry. Sorry. - Oh.

- Do you mind if I join you? - No, come on.

Thanks.

You see, my father was a professional fisherman.

- Really? - He was telling me...

That he was working on the deadly invader.

You know, I think this might have been one of his last original designs.