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We come together today...

In dark times such as these,

we must all remember

to look to the Lord for guidance.

Submit yourselves, then, to God.

Amen.

Resist the Devil...

...and he will flee from you.

I regret to say

I know the powers of Satan firsthand.

Our very own daughter was taken

by perverts and swindlers

and let fall into a world of sin.

Sheriff?

I hope...

You ought to come take a look at this.

My God.

Go easy on that stuff, will ya?

You know what they say

about too much of a good thing...

Give me some sugar.

You're special.

There ain't nobody else out there like you.

Now giddyup.

Time is money. Everybody is waiting.

You're a fucking sex symbol.

Highs in the low...

America needs Jesus...

Maxine.

"The Farmer's Daughters."

Oh, hot damn. Look-it, there I am.

Wow.

Hollywood, here we come.

No, ma'am. We don't need Hollywood.

These type of pictures turn regular folks into stars.

We're gonna do it all ourselves.

- Ain't that right, RJ? - Yes, sir.

Finally, a level playing field for people like us.

I don't know, Wayne.

Sounds an awful lot like what you said

about The Topless Carwash.

You remember that?

Yeah. And had the IRS not had

a goddamn personal vendetta against me,

that would've panned out beautifully.

Uh-huh.

Well, you know I'm always game.

My American Dream is not unreasonable.

I just want a paid-for house with a big ole pool,

so I can float around with my knees in the breeze

and tan these titties.

What? I was dealt a good hand.

People spend a lot of money to look at what God gave me.

Be a sin not to take care of 'em.

Mmm.

Yes, it sure would.

What about you, Maxine?

What's your American Dream?

Hmm.

Hurry it up, we aren't gonna be long in there.

If this kid I picked up from the university

can put it together like he says,

our days of struggling may soon be over.

We do even half the numbers of Debbie Does Dallas,

I'm outta the red for good.

Hell, let's make a picture a week, then.

Patience, darlin'.

I've been being patient my whole life.

Well, that's the thing about being patient.

- I need to be famous, Wayne. - Mmm-hmm.

I'm ready for the high life.

I'm sick and tired of never gettin' what I want.

Well, you help me keep those jokers in line out there,

I'll make sure you get everything your heart desires.

You better have.

I don't wanna worry no more, Wayne.

I deserve nice things. I have cosmopolitan taste.

- Don't I know it. - I mean it.

I want the whole world to know my name.

Like Lynda Carter or some shit.

Hey, everyone with a pulse

is gonna lust after a piece of Maxine Minx

once they see what you can do.

You know why?

Why?

'Cause you got that X factor.

Fuckin'-A-right.

Now, mosey on over there

and grab us some Wonder Bread, Wonder Woman.

I don't like his girlfriend.

You don't like anybody's girlfriend.

She hardly says a word. She just stares at everyone.

Well, she's shy.

Probably ain't never seen nobody like us before.

People who stare give me the heebie-jeebies.

Better get used to that

if you're gonna be in the movies.

Your little boyfriend is cute.

You help him with all his films?

Sometimes, yeah.

Is that your boyfriend?

Sometimes, yeah.

Hey, how come you don't gotta film none of this in order?

Well, once I have it all in the can,

I can rearrange it however I want.

No shit.

I actually intend on experimenting

a lot with the film's editing.

Giving it a certain sense of the avant-garde,

like they're doing in France.

It's classier that way.

And it's a good trick to disguise the low budget.

All right, let's slate it.

And hit it.

All right, go ahead and fill her up.

You know,

if you tilt the camera up

from the nozzle...

...it'll look like he's using his cock.

See? I got good sense, too.

How come we couldn't do

any of this filming in Houston?

Ain't they got plenty of farms?

Well, this county raised property taxes,

a little bit of cash goes a long way out here.

Most older folks can't compete

with the bigger outfits no more.

Now, we're not the only ones trying to make a buck.

Kidnappers, murderers,

sex fiends...

All the result

of our increasingly secular society...

Besides, it ain't exactly something

I wanna advertise around town.

You know how some people can get

when it comes to sex.

Remember what happened

in Sodom and Gomorrah.

- Get what we needed? - Oh, I got it.

Thanks to help from yours truly.

- Got my smokes? - Yes. God damn.

I'm just askin'.

Hey, if I'm gonna be having sex for you,

I'm gonna need cigarettes.

How's the script?

I don't know. It's all right.

Does it matter?

Hey, I don't wanna have to wear a hard hat

to make a livin', do you?

No.

Then don't you be bringin' down the vibe

of my investments.

Negativity attracts negative results.

Winstons? You know I only smoke Old Golds.

All they had, Bobby-Lynne.

That's it. I'm calling my agent.

Just get back in the dang van.

Mmm-mmm!

That's right.

The deviants are already amongst us,

waiting for our sons and daughters.

So, heed dire warnings,

and repent before it is too late.

He may be a forgiving God,

but every man has got his limits.

Must be a bad wreck.

Y'all stay safe out there.

I'll be right back with some more golden oldies

right after this commercial break.

93.5, KBQB.

...the 60th anniversary

...take place this Saturday.

Don't miss your chance to tour the entire state...

- What is it? - Oh, don't look.

I hate blood and guts.

Just when you thought

you'd escaped the slaughterhouse.

Yeah.

Now, that's a bonanza...

Was that the...

This is it. Our own studio backlot.

Thank goodness. I'm horny.

- You're always horny. - No, not always.

It's perfect.

It's really gonna add a lot of production value.

Y'all stay put while I go

and handle business right quick.

This wasn't I had in mind

when I agreed to help out on your film.

Gotta start somewhere, Lorraine.

RJ, it's smut.

When did you become such a prude?

I'm not.

I just don't understand why you're doing all this.