The Frisco Kid

With the, um, with the with the Indians!

Avram!

I want to talk to you in private.

Speak only English.

And no matter what I say, don't smile.

Sha!

Sha!

Out of 88 students

graduating from this Yeshiva

you came in a close 87.

Don't smile.

Look sad.

There is a new congregation--

- In America? - Wait!

Sha!

Shtill!

Some meshuggener suggested your name

to become the new rabbi.

I am forced to take an official vote

of the Board of Rabbis.

Close.

It's a close vote.

But I am the Chief Rabbi!

I am the one who has to decide!

So, cowboy...

I am sending you to San Francisco.

Sha!

- Where is San Francisco? - By New York.

Get out, quick.

And so on a wonderful, sunny day in 1850

I started out my great adventure

and I left Poland for Philadelphia.

The city where all the brothers

love each other.

Belinski, with B. Belinski.

Daddy, daddy.

The boat's gone.

Understand?

- Somebody should have told us! - What did he say?

- What'd he say? - Says the boat has gone.

Mister, mister, please, what'd you just say about

the boat to San Francisco?

- Gone. - But that can't be.

That boat's supposed to leave

first tide of the morning!

Supposed to?

What the hell's the matter with you?

It's a gold rush.

Haven't you people heard anything?

Next boat, two months.

Oh, God. Oh, my God, help me!

Just this morning me and my brother got the news.

Alright, who's next?

Our mama's dying in San Francisco.

What am I gonna do?

Oh, there, there must be some way

that a person can go to San Francisco

in another way than the boat.

Not for us, sir.

Just ten minutes ago me and my brother

sold our horses and our wagon

so as we could purchase tickets on this here boat

and now we ain't got neither.

Well, perhaps if you go to the man

and you told him your troubles

and you give him back the money.

He would give you back the wagon.

- You think he'll do it? - If he is a good man.

I think he would do that, yes.

Oh, mister, would...

Would you help me, please?

I'm not much good explaining myself.

I usually just

start to cry.

I will do that.

I would be happy to do it

but I don't know if I would be much help to you

with the way I speak English.

Wait, you don't have to carry the bags!

My brother, his name is Matt.

Oh, say, say, what's your name?

- Avram. - Avram.

Oh, my name is Darryl. Darryl Diggs.

Anyway, my brother's got a temper.

Oh, sometime he just unloads, you know, what I mean?

- Can't I help you to carry-- - No, that's alright.

I got it all. Don't worry about a thing.

Just step in here anyway. Oh, come on.

- What is it again, Abrum? - Avram.

But you didn't do nothing wrong.

- Did everything go alright? - Well, we missed the boat.

- What? - The boat sailed yesterday.

The whole town's goin' crazy, Matt. It's gold rush.

- It sailed yesterday. - Yeah.

So what are we supposed to do now?

Well, God may be on our side yet, Matt.

Thanks to this here gentleman.

Avram, this is my brother, Matthew Diggs.

- How do you do? - Mr. Jones!

Mr. Jones, we missed our boat.

We find ourselves in a desperate state.

We need our horses and our wagon back

so we can get to San Francisco

to see our mum before she dies.

So if you'd be kind enough to take your money back.

I sympathize with your misfortunes, fellas.

But you've got to understand

I'm in the business of buyin' and sellin'

and I don't sell unless I can make a profit.

But-- but we don't have no money to give you a profit.

Then we don't do no business.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, Mr. Jones.

How much profit do you need from these gentlemen?

Fifty dollars.

Oh, fifty dollars.

That's it, Matt. We're sunk.

I'm sorry, Avram, I'm sorry I wasted your time.

Well, uh, perhaps I could pay the $50.

That's real kind of you, Avram.

I don't know how's we could ever pay you back.

- Do you, Matt? - Uh, $50.

Look, I don't know.

If I could have a seat on your wagon to San Francisco.

I would be more than paid back.

Well, you pay the $50, you-- you can have a seat

with a cushion on it, can't he, Matt?

All the way.

I would share the cushion.

Yo wee!

Matt, the lord is smilin' on you and me today!

Amen.

Gentlemen, quiet!

Wonderful, marvelous news.

Just this morning

I received this letter.

"Dear, Mr. Bender.

This is to inform you that soon

God willing you will have

a rabbi and a Torah."

Shh!

"Rabbi Avram Belinski

has left Poland to join you

in the village of San Francisco.

Avram thanks you for the picture

of your lovely family.

He is looking eagerly forward

to meeting your daughter Sarah Mindl

with an eye towards matrimony."

Papa.

Not now, Sarah Mindl.

But Julius...

Go to your room.

What's the matter with Sarah Mindl?

Bender, a rabbi is better than a Rosenscheine.

Do you want a bite?

Oh, thanks.

There she is, Avram.

That little shortcut I was tellin' you about.

It's goin' to get us to San Francisco

four days earlier.

Good.

Aah!

Whoa!

Whoa!

What happened? Is it Indians?

Mr. Jones, what's happening?

I don't understand. What's...

Darryl, tell him I paid the $50.

- He paid the $50. - You paid the $50?

- Yeah, I did. - Whoa.

Oh!

Whoa!

Mr. Jones, what you want?

You want to take my clothes?

You need my clothes so much?

You don't have your own clothes?

No, no, not the Torah, please!

Take my money. You can have the...

God! God, help me!

Mr. Jones, please don't do that!

No, please.

Please, no.

What you need my taliths for?

- Why are you doing this? - We love you.

Mr. Jones, why are you doing this?

You're not happy with our service?

No!

Oh!

God!

I don't want to be with these filthy crooks!

We'll fix that you bucko.

Now, here you go.

How'd we do?

I got the rest of his money.

Ooh.

What?

This you couldn't throw out first?

Oh.

America.