Becks

Subtitles by explosiveskull

I have nothing to ask of you.

I'm not the wheel.

I want...

emotion.

The valley.

The architect.

I can't feel the ocean.

It's my agent. Hello?

I'm going to LA! They said they watched my tape.

They loved my performance, my song,

and they want me in LA on Monday.

You have to come with me.

This is like our moment, you know?

I'm not an LA person.

Just keep saying that, and you'll fit right in.

What am I gonna do for two weeks without you?

- I love you. - Bye, babe.

See you there!

Hi, honey.

I broke the lease.

We are officially not getting our security deposit back.

The landlord was a dick.

But oh, well.

Um, I'm hitting the road.

I can't wait to see you. I miss you.

Hey, babe. The new apartment is ridiculous.

I can see the beach from our window.

Hold on.

Hey.

Hi. Oh, my God.

I thought you were coming tomorrow.

Well, I'm here. Surprise.

Is that the weed guy?

Oh, you're not the weed guy.

No, I'm not the weed guy.

I'm the girlfriend guy.

I'm the drove-across-the-fucking country-to-get-here guy.

I just want you in my entire life.

- Don't fucking touch me. - No, okay, I didn't mean to.

I'm outta here. Oh, my God.

Financial assistance,

including the regions of the only assured IBF program, ARCH.

You do not need a referral to be seen regarding your...

Entertainment twin.

Earlier this morning we talked a lot about...

So do I, but I've been rejected so many times.

She fell in love with her first husband on set...

I just... I quit my job, and I sold all my stuff,

and I drove all the way across the country

just because she wanted to be on a stupid singing competition.

Well, I never trusted her.

Too much eyeliner means she's hiding something, obviously,

and all that money from her parents...

Mom, you didn't like her because she was a "her."

Excuse me very much.

I'll have you know that I went to the Gay Festival this year.

- Gay Pride. - Gay Pride Festival,

and I wore a T-shirt with a rainbow,

and I danced with a lovely man in four-inch heels.

Hey, listen, I don't care if you want to date

a person who's a man or a woman

or a woman who wants to be a pans...

pan-gen-pansexual...

Okay, Mom, I get it. Don't hurt yourself.

I'm going to go crash.

Hey, hey, come here.

My baby girl, wait, wait, wait.

You are bright and talented and smart and beautiful,

and you deserve to have a loving and supportive woman.

Thank you, Mom.

Where have you been?

Walking with my women's group. You should join us sometime.

I think you and I have different definitions of "women's group."

Very funny.

Hello.

Okay, that's it.

Mom, it's the showcase showdown.

Honey, you have been sitting on this couch for two weeks.

I've done your laundry, I've made your food,

and if I hear that "Two Hands" song...

- "Both Hands." - "Both Hands" one more time,

- I'm gonna jump off a bridge. - Mom!

I'm not saying you have to pay rent.

Just get out of the house and do something with yourself.

And no more junk TV.

Well, well, well.

Look at what the sad gay cat dragged in.

Ah!

- Becks the Wreck. - Oh, fuck you, man.

I haven't been called that since I was 17.

How you doin', kiddo?

Well, I am single, and I'm broke,

and I'm back home living with my mom.

I'm sorry.

I'm a billionaire playboy

who sleeps on a bed of titties every night.

Yes, please.

Um, but you named your bar Perfectos?

Yes. That's what the Cards were called

before they were the Cards.

It's like St. Louis history. Hello.

It sounds like the shittiest taco truck in Sacramento.

Ohh...

I missed you.

I missed you too.

To success beyond our wildest dreams.

Gene, you need anything?

Eugene?

He's basically dead.

- You wanna, mm-hmm? - Yeah.

I don't know what I was thinking.

She was gonna be a big celebrity or something.

Ugh. She's an idiot.

A very hot idiot though.

- Best tits on earth. - Oh?

How best?

Like on a scale of Aniston to Upton.

A solid Johansson.

- Fuck! - Yeah.

Damn.

I should've known that my tiny high school dong

could never measure up to a pair of Johannsons.

- Scarlet Johannson? - Yeah, yeah.

Scarlet Johannson.

Oh, it had nothing to do with your dick, Dave,

and everything to do with my vagina.

My dick understands you.

It doesn't matter anyway.

The tits have moved on to a younger, hotter LA set of tits,

and I have officially become one of these people.

Oh, no.

- Yeah. - Oh, no.

I know.

Can I put one up in here?

I guess.

I mean, yeah.

- Why don't you play here? - Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, it ain't the Pageant, you know,

but we get a decent crowd on the weekends.

Yeah?

Okay, yeah.

Wow. Look at this.

And I cleaned out the fridge, and I fixed the sink.

And check it out.

Um, I'll fix that later.

So how was your day?

Oh, okay, well, after church,

we had a girls' lunch at The Cheesecake Factory.

I got the salmon, which they say is a diet item,

but the portions are just ginormous.

Here. You can have it.

And, um, let's see, Donna had the roast chicken,

which I thought was a little dry.

And Sue also had the salmon.

Wow, Mom, what did everyone have to drink?

I think everyone had iced tea, but, uh...

Never mind.

Anyway, Sue Cunningham sends her regards.

- Who? - Mitchell Cunningham's mom.

You know, from high school.

- Mitch the Bitch? - Rebecca!

Ew!

I can still picture him threatening freshmen

from the front seat of his Jeep Wrangler.

Well, he's turned into a lovely young man.

Maybe we can all have dinner sometime.

- Yeah, that's not gonna happen. - Maybe you'll change your mind.

Oh, oh, oh, I almost forgot.

They have a sale at Aerosoles, and I like their comfort line,

so I got myself a pair, 40% off.

- That's great, Mom. - Do you want some money?

There was a cute one...

Thank you for the food. I'm starving.

I'm going to go eat this in my room, if you don't mind.

Hey, you sure you don't want a mic or like a makeshift stage?

I'll put up some boxes.

Not if it's further from the bar.

How about this crowd, huh?

Yeah.

What you got going on down there?

- Hey, Gene. - Hi.

Listen up, folks, we got some music for you tonight.

Be nice.

That's Gene.