Entourage

Goal!

Our next film is Medellin,

the ultraviolent story of Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar

staring Vincent Chase in a fat suit and bad makeup

that makes him look like the lovechild of Jiminy Glick

and a case of Twinkies.

Now at last year's Cannes Film Festival

Medellin from wunderkind director Billy Walsh

was all the buzz until people actually saw it

at the now legendary Hindenburg of a screening

which I myself attended.

Now I usually try to keep my opinions to myself

until we actually review a film on this show,

but this time I got on my feet and I booed with the rest of the angry mob.

I would have thrown fruit if I'd had some.

Richard, this is the silliest thing to come out of South America

since the musical Evita. It's overacted,

it's underdirected, it's paced like a snail.

- Did I mention it's long too? - You did. It is.

The year is young, but this is a good bet

for my top 10 of the year's worst.

Oh, and by the way, Vince, Al Pacino called.

He wants his Scarface accent back.

You know, it's a real disappointment for me because I had Vinnie Chase

on my list of stars to watch in 2005.

I think I'm gonna have him on my list of stars to watch fade in 2008.

Suck it, dickbag.

Medellin with a budget I cannot imagine,

is a straight to DVD release, if you can believe it.

It can be found at...

Sorry, E.

It's okay. Not like I wasn't expecting it.

Yeah, still, once you hear it coming out of their mouths

on TV about you personally, it stinks.

I remember crying myself to sleep

when Roger Ebert singled out my performance in License to Drive

as the end of the Golden Age of Cinema.

Oh, baby, fuck critics. What do they know?

Nothing, baby. Nothing.

Will you mind telling me when someone else is in the room?

- Sorry, E. - That's okay, Jacqueline.

I just like to know you're there. How's France?

It's lovely.

When are we gonna see you again three dimensionally?

- Soon, I hope. - Not soon enough.

- Oh, baby. - I miss you, baby.

I miss you too, baby.

All right, I'm gonna talk to E for a second.

I'll check back in after I wash up.

Okay, baby. I love you.

I love you.

- Chirp. - Tweet.

What? Like you never had a long-distance relationship?

Not one with bird noises.

Whatever.

I'm gonna get some sleep. I need my beauty rest.

I'm shooting the Five Towns poster tomorrow.

Unless you want to pound some whiskey and talk.

Nah, I'm fine. I just hope Vince is okay though.

Yeah, poor baby bro.

Are we ever gonna get to use the bed?

Come on, honey. There's nothing wrong with the hammock.

- Hey, Ari. Fuck Richard Roeper. - Uh-huh.

- Michael Phillips is a dick. - Yup.

- I liked Gene Siskel. - Whatever.

Give me something good, Lloyd.

First draft of my letter to one Richard E. Roeper

reviewing him personally... His clothes, his hair,

his nasally midwestern twang.

- Screw Chicago and... - Attention everyone, please!

Listen up.

No one mention Richard Roeper again.

Not today, not ever.

By doing so, you are simply announcing

that on Sunday nights instead of doing your job

reading scripts, you're watching TV.

The next person to mention Richard Roeper

will be fired.

And, Lloyd, you will also be fired

if you don't answer the fucking phone!

Ari Gold's office.

- I liked Medellin, Ari. - Then you're a fucking idiot.

Carl Ertz on one.

Everybody get to work!

Carl, my man. How you doing?

I saw your trailer last night. Very, very scary stuff.

Makes Nightmare on Elm Street look like Free Willy.

I saw Roeper last night.

Fuck Richard Roeper. You know, I went to college with him.

Yeah, when we was pledging we used to tie beer cans around his nuts

and make him walk across campus.

I think last night was payback.

- I've been thinking about Vince. - Oh, yeah?

- Yeah, for Danger Beach. - I thought you had Emile Hirsch for that.

No, we don't. Have you read it?

- Despite the title. - It's a working title.

Listen, I read it. It's good. It's good.

- I want to sit down with Vince. - He's in Mexico.

Yeah, I heard he's hiding out on the beach somewhere, huh?

Think again. He's doing improvised readings

with Cuaron and Del Toro till something pops.

I'm not messing around, Ari. I want Vince for this movie.

Carl, if you think you can get Vinnie Chase,

the star of the highest grossing movie of all time,

at a cut rate just 'cause you think he's in a rut...

Ari, I love Vince. I've always loved Vince.

How many things did he turn me down on?

- One or two. - Six, but who's counting?

I'll pay his full freight.

- Is this an offer, Carl? - As soon as I sit down with him.

Although, listen, I gotta go to Greece on Wednesday,

which means I need to see him tomorrow

at The Grill for lunch. See if you can make it happen.

I'll do what I can. Lloyd!

Get E on the phone right fucking now.

The Murphy Group. Can I help you?

Uh-huh, just one second, please.

Look, just don't tell him the script sucked like you did last time.

Yeah, but it's not funny.

'Cause it's Cold Case. It's not supposed to be funny.

- Leave the comedy for the stand-up. - All right.

A Mr. Ari Gold's on the phone.

- Tell him I'll call him back. - Okay.

You trust me?

Soon as I get a job, then I'll start trusting you.

Look, you've been with me three months, you've had four screen tests.

You're gonna get a job soon, I promise.

You got to tell my mom this. She's the one killing me.

Mr. Gold says it's urgent.

Will you put him through, please?

Sorry, Charlie.

Well, well, well, long time no hear.

What, you got Bea Arthur answering the phones for you?

I'm in a meeting, Ari. What do you want?

Ah, yes. The Murphy Group doubling in size

the past five months to two clients.

- I have three clients, Ari. - You do?

I mean, I thought I was your only client.

Besides the guy on the wall.

- You're the only one that matters, Charlie. - Okay.

- What do you want, Ari? - To bring our boy back from the abyss.

Oh, yeah? How are you planning on doing that?

Already in motion. We got an offer.

You got an offer? For what?

Danger Beach.

I thought Emile Hirsch was doing Danger Beach.

No, Vincent Chase is doing it.

And wow, you really are in the business. You read it?

Oh, yeah, I read it. I liked it, except for the dumb title.

It's a working title.

- Are they gonna pay him? - Wow, all about the money these days.

Makes me proud and yet a little sad

that you've lost that prepubescent boyish charm.

Yeah, they're gonna offer him his full quote.

Come on. That's unbelievable.

Well, start believing and start breaking out your best travel agenting skills

because we need him here by lunchtime tomorrow

to have a meeting with Carl Ertz.

What kind of meeting?

Carl wants to see if his eyes

are still as blue as ever.

So do we have an offer or a meeting?

We have an offer pending a meeting.

An offer pending a meeting is not a fucking offer, Ari.

How long have you been in this town, Opie?

An offer pending a meeting

is what you get when you make a shit movie

and haven't been seen this side of the border in six months.

We're living in a post Medellin world.

But amazingly enough, if Vince shows up

with all of his limbs intact

and doesn't have some sort of seizure in front of Ertz,

we are back in the game. Okay, you'll call?

Hey, I've got to roll, man.

Yeah, Ari. I'll call, I'll call.

Good luck, Charlie.

What luck? You got to take me. I don't have a car.

You've been in LA six months and you don't have a car?

Hey, man, I can't afford a car, all right?

Look, get me a job, then I can get a car.

Let's go.

Hey, we gonna outdo last year's poster, Johnny?

You know it, son. You know it.

So I told the mofo

nobody upstages Johnny Chase.

Okay, perfect, perfect. That's perfect.

Johnny, switch partners with Ron and take Linda now.

No problem.

Beautiful, I love it.

Okay, spin her again. Spin her again.

As you wish.

Could Dancing with the Stars be next for us?

Beautiful, beautiful.

Okay, now some more serious stuff.

Everyone just give me a left side pose.

Beautiful. Lovely. Lovely.

Okay, everyone give me a right side pose.

Hey, Johnny, you want to turn to the right?

- Uh, no, not really. - Oh, God, here we go.

- Why not? - 'Cause actually, I don't go right.