The Fabulous Baron Munchausen (Baron Prášil)

THE FABULOUS BARON MUNCHAUSEN

Dialogue and Narration

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'FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON'

Allow us to introduce ourselves.

Mr. Barbicane, President of the Gun Club.

Captain Nicholl.

Michel Ardan.

And who am I?

I am Cyrano. Cyrano de Bergerac, the poet.

What remains a puzzle to me, however, is your name.

And where you come from... From Venus? From Mars?

From Jupiter, perhaps?

Going by his attire, his home is the moon!

Gentlemen, an authentic, actual Moonman!

Come, join us!

With glasses charged, let us celebrate this rarest of moments!

In this enchanted landscape, cursed by cold and silent as dust,

where one can wait centuries to meet a soul!

The Baron!

The famed Baron Munchausen!

A man after my own heart! A fellow adventurer!

The impulse that draws him to the stars is pure imagination.

How I love it!

Baron Munchausen, dear friends, is flattered

that he may be the first to raise a toast

to the health of the first Moonman!

- Let the goblets ring! - To friendships new!

- Let the stars all sing! - To friendships new!

Our new friend is not enjoying himself.

His lips have not touched the wine!

Tell him take off his helmet!

What if he cannot?

Worse still,

what if he does not know what wine is?

That very fear, my friends, gives me a notion.

Look! The old, good Earth!

Does he not deserve to taste our great discovery?

I will go there, now, at once!

And happily take our Moonman with me!

Show him how humans live!

Let him see how we dress!

Let him experience what love is, and how we love!

Let him know the taste and smell of adventure!

Let the Moonman know what it is to live on Earth!

So, my friends,

on to adventures new!

My wondrous travels with this Moonman were about to begin!

Once my new friend put on clothes,

the creature looked quite human.

Nearly a man. Almost.

He had a strange name:

“Tony” or some such.

Quite a likeable fellow, but unfortunately

had something of the schoolmaster about him.

So my entire manner,

and our unusual mode of transport,

seemed totally irrational to him... in short, bizarre.

He insisted on talking about science and technology...

I must stress once and for all

that I am not interested in such trifles, my moonfriend!

But I am not from the moon! I'm from Earth.

Out of the question!

Why out of the question?

I never saw you there!

Behold, the first postilions of approaching Gaia!

So that's your world?!

Witchcraft!

Yes, and are they not wonderful?

I don't put much store in magic.

That one doesn't put much faith in it either.

She's using your science as backup!

And down there!

That's your style 100%!

Following the laws of science to the letter!

The Bosporus, the Golden Horn!

We'll land directly in front of the Sultan's palace!

Thus shall I address the Great Sultan.

Musical... but quite difficult to follow.

The language of high diplomacy!

Why did I decide to land in Turkey of all places?

Why? 'Tis the Land of the Crescent Moon!

I had little doubt that my Moonman

would appreciate this small, diplomatic gesture.

Few would believe this modest chamber

was the heart and brains of a great Empire.

But so it was.

Here is where the Great Sultan tirelessly entertained

the obligations of his rule.

I was convinced amazement would lighten his noble brow

when I presented a living Moonman!

I felt at home in all this splendour.

Let the Moonboy see how finely Earthlings live!

I just introduced you.

He fears for his throne.

I apologised. Of course, you have no idea what a throne is!

A throne is... well...

simply a throne!

It needs oiling.

- Look! - You're playing with fire.

I gather today's audience is over.

"Our ship was lost in a storm and captured by pirates,

"who sold me to the Sultan.

"I saw you yesterday... a true knight.

"You are unafraid, even of the terrible Sultan!

"So it occurred to me that I might turn to you

"with a plea to rescue me.

"You are my only hope

"and I remain, yours truly, Princess Bianca Di Castello Nero."

She turns to you? Congratulations!

He holds her against her will.

It's a violation! I shall challenge the Sultan!

The Sultan? You really are from the moon!

It must be a kidnapping

...a perfect kidnapping!

That too is an act of violence!

Nonsense! It is a work of art!

The art of winning the lady of one's dreams.

A true knight never uses means more peaceful

than sword, dagger and a length of rope!

Tonight we turn the palace upside down!

The ducks die too!

Blood will flow, oaths made, fires started...

The scene is set for the drama of love!

But the path to our first adventure was not easy.

It did not bother me,

but the Moonman fared worse than a sleepwalker.

And this oaf wanted to save a princess!

You whistle like a little boy.

- What should I do? - Act like a man!

- Will that help? - No, but it's more appropriate!

We don't whistle when we're in love, we fight! In love we...

...in love we float on air.

Check!

Mate!

Well, well. The Moonman shows his true colours!

To be fair, he hasn't done badly,

but why should I fight my way through ten thousand bashibazouks

so he can snatch the spoils of victory from under my very nose?!

Well, no matter, beardless boy!

When Baron Munchausen enters the arena of love,

he'll cut you down to size!

The wild Turks screamed like devils.

Doubtless this frightened the Princess and the Moonboy.

This game of catch did not affect me, however.

My concerns for the Princess were of a different order...

I'd seen how the charms of a Venetian rose could fatally attract even the moon.

And worse, how she was entirely enamoured of him.

No! The pale seducer shall not steal her from my world.

For as long as I am Baron Munchausen, he shall not take her!

For three days and three nights that infernal chase persisted,

our path strewn with the bones of exhausted steeds

while dark scavengers rejoiced in the foul feast!

My friend, Oceanus!

What a fantastic sight it is!

And that ship... Is it Turkish?

The ship is Dutch, carrying Turkish tobacco.

- A merchant ship. - Excellent!

He can take us back to Venice!

Ahoy! Ahoy there!

- It's no good, they can't hear us. - They're too far out.

Then we must catch them!

Beg pardon!

Horse and man overboard!

Of course, who else but the Baron Munchausen!

Two horses and three men overboard!

Two horses and two men. The third man is a woman!

A skiff in the water, a cabin for the lady,

hay for horses...

and burgundy for the men!

Now for a happy trip to Venice!

And now, friends,

let me offer you the most precious thing I have.

Karsiyaka?

Tramapasmatan?

- Javan. .? - Ladokeyech!

- What? - La-do-key-ech.

Heavenly!

The Turkish navy! AH hands on deck!

Damn! Well, that's torn it!

What does this mean, Baron?

You stole the Sultan's treasure, didn't you?

A single pearl! But quite the finest!

One, two, three, four, five...

One thousand, four hundred and twenty-seven guns aimed at us!

Prepare to fire! I might have known!

Now the sharks will smoke my tobacco!

But the Captain had forgotten that on board