Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland

Maria, turn down that radio!

Today's the day I'm going to camp.

Mom, did you hear me?

I'm going to camp today.

Yeah, I heard you.

What do you want me to do about it?

Aren't you gonna walk me to the bus or anything?

At 6:30 in the fucking morning?

Why don't you shut up and turn down the noise?

- Hey, shut up. - No, you shut up.

You both shut up. I'm going to camp.

I might never come back.

- Good. - Good.

Fuck you.

Hello, I'm Toni Richards with the WXIA news team.

We're here at Camp New Horizons,

where an autumn retreat called an experiment in sharing

is about to begin.

Let's meet the owners of the camp,

Herman and Lily Miranda.

Herman, tell us about this wonderful and unique experiment.

Well, Toni, we brung together two specially selected groups

from all over America.

The first group is from the higher-class establishments

and the other is from lower-class homes.

Lilly, what are you trying to accomplish?

In our own little way we'd like to promote sharing,

love, harmony and peace, and a better understanding

between the rich and the poor. Thank you.

And thank you. Let's meet the kids.

Hello, my name is Cindy Hammersmith

from Venuity, Georgia.

Thank you, Cindy.

Greg Nakashima. Westwood, California.

Okay, Greg. Move it along.

Jan Hernandez, Palm View, Arizona.

Peter Doyle. Houston Heights, Texas.

Thank you, Peter.

Bobby Stark. Western Springs, Illinois.

Home of the Western Springs Wildcats!

Hi, Marsha Holland. Defiance, Ohio.

Well, let's see who we have in our second group of kids.

Excuse me. Your name, please?

A-Rad. San Francisco.

Do you have a last name, A-Rad?

No. Do I need one?

Right.

- And you? - Snow boy.

From Chicago.

Anita Bertram. Sautel Gap, Kentucky.

Riff. Detroit.

Tony De Herrara, East L.A.

Maria Nicostro.

Where are you from, Maria?

Um, all over. Right now, New York.

Why don't you take your glasses off

so your parents can see your pretty face.

Well, what interesting kids.

God, that Tony guy is so cute.

He's Mexican.

Ironically, Camp New Horizons

was formerly known as Camp Rolling Hills,

where last year 19 people were brutally slain

by alleged psychopath Angela Baker.

Baker, also known as the Angel of Death,

was allegedly responsible for another string of

grisly murders seven years ago at nearby Camp Arawak,

which has since closed.

Things have changed here.

We're now under new ownership.

- Stop, please. - New management.

New ownership.

Honey, what is the matter?

You told me you wouldn't say a word about the murders.

It's okay, dear.

If violence sells then you've gotta

give the people what they want.

Okay.

Come along, everyone. Come along.

Let's go to the dining hall

and experience some more sharing.

This is a bunch of lunatics.

I'll see you after lunch, okay?

Oh, excuse me.

Excuse me.

You look a little older than the rest.

Massive drugs.

Drugs, huh?

You wouldn't know where I could score some coke?

Yeah, there's a machine in the dining hall.

Very funny.

I just need a gram.

It's already been a real shit of a day,

you know what I mean?

- I'll be right back. - Thanks.

One of the many dangers of being a drug addict

is never really knowing if the stuff is pure.

- Thanks, guy. See you. - Okay, see you later.

Here.

- It's a little much, isn't it? - It's a gift.

You're my favorite newscaster.

- Pretty good stuff? - It'll really clean your pipes.

- Happy camping. - Thanks.

Have a nice life.

God. What's left of it.

It's just a firecracker.

You city broads should be used to that.

Alright.

Testing, testing.

Welcome, everyone.

Welcome to the camp of caring and sharing,

Camp New Horizons!

Thank you.

Would everyone take a seat, please?

Can I sit here?

It's not my table.

Hi. Bobby Stark.

Okay if I sit with you?

Drop dead, fag.

Hi. I'm Bobby Stark.

Is this seat taken?

That's not real, is it?

Cool, man.

No sweat, man.

Hi. Bobby Stark. Mind if I join you?

Sure.

Cool.

Your name's Maria Nicostro, right?

How'd you remember that?

I'm just great with names.

That's how I got to be senior class president

of my high school.

- That's nice. - Yeah.

So...

You're underprivileged, huh?

Alright, everyone.

Let's get started.

Could you turn that off?

Please?

Thank you. Thank you.

Herman will be handing out camp shirts

for all of you to wear.

That way you'll all look the same

and you won't feel different.

As soon as our third counselor arrives,

we'll be splitting up into three groups.

And each group will stay with each other for three days.

During that time, each group

will be camping out in the woods.

And we'll be getting to know and understand each other

as best we can.

- Um, excuse me. - Yes, Cindy?

What do you mean by camping out?

Well, you know, sleeping in tents,

cooking your own food, hiking.

Well, like, what are we supposed to do if

we have to go to the bathroom or take a shower?

Oh, well there are outdoor toilets by every campsite

and we'll be washing up in the lake.

You're kidding.

- What are we gonna eat? - Fish, mostly.

- Oh, shit. - We'll be catching them.

Fish is good for you.

And besides, it's better for our budget.

Now remember, the first three days

you will be in your smaller groups

and after that for the remaining two days

we'll all be together. Are there any questions?

Yeah. Do the guys get to sleep with the girls?

- No. - Well, why not?

Because, because...

They're afraid we'll fuck.

Oh, let's all sing a rousing camp song.

Does anyone know "I'm a Happy Camper"?

- I do. - Good.

That must be Barney.

- Barney? - Barney Rubble?

No, Barney Whitmore.

Everybody, I'd like for you to meet our third counselor

Officer Barney Whitmore!

Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

I guess I'll have to catch up on all the names later.

Are you a cop?

Yes.

Hey, you got a problem?

Suck my dick, spic.

Motherfucker.

Any more shit like this and

I'll have your butt in jail so fast

you won't know what happened. You got it?

Asshole.

Anybody else carrying anything?

If you are give it to me now.

Same goes for you goes for him.

Now sit down.

Behave yourself.

Wow. This is better than T.V.

Hurry up, girls! We have a lot to do!

There's no electricity.