The IT Crowd

Space. What is it?

The simple answer is we don't know.

Or at least we didn't know until now.

Hello, I'm Douglas Reynholm

and I'm not a scientist,

but I do have a better understanding

of what space is

than any scientist living today.

Where did I gain these insights?

From this man.

The founder of Spaceology,

Beth Gaga Shaggy,

no relation to either Lady Gaga

or Shaggy,

is the founder of Spaceology,

a religion, not a cult.

In other words, when it comes to space,

he's the man with his head

screwed on tight.

This is what he told me

when I met him on holiday two weeks ago.

Space is invisible mind dust

and stars are but wishes.

I mean, think about that!

That means every star

you can see in the night sky

is a wish that has come true.

And they've come true because of

something he calls Spacestar Ordering.

Spacestar Ordering is based

on the twin scientific principles

of star maths and wishy thinking.

If you'd like to know more,

there are thousands of

Spaceology centres all over the UK.

If that doesn't convince you,

well, then, maybe you just don't deserve

to get what you want.

Ding!

Wow. You're a genius, Ray!

Love the special effects!

How did you do that thing

where I'm spinning around?

Well, in that... In that bit,

you're actually spinning around.

Well, I'm glad you like

the website, Mr Reynholm,

I did spend quite a lot of time on it.

It's brilliant, and well worth

every penny of the £50.

Hundred... Didn't we say £100?

I never would have agreed to that.

Ah, Jen!

Guess who wanted a helicopter

this time last week

and now, thanks to Spacestar Ordering,

has one?

You?

I'll give you a clue,

it ain't these chaps!

You?

You're a sceptic, Jen.

You should be more like these.

They can't get enough

of my Spacestar Ordering story.

Yes, yes, I noticed

you've been coming down here

a lot more often

because of all the questions.

So, Mr Reynholm, how did the cosmos

grant you a helicopter?

Well, I visualised the thing I wanted.

In my case, it was a helicopter.

I drew a picture of the helicopter

on a piece of paper,

then I stood with my back to space,

threw the paper over my shoulder

and wished really hard.

But when you say that you stood

with your back to space...

Yes.

How exactly did you achieve that?

I waited till night-time.

Of course.

Couple of days later,

bought myself a helicopter.

Explain that one, if you can.

I wish the cosmos would make it

slightly harder to find our office.

Don't worry, Jen, you'll get your wish,

just as one day I'll get my robot hand.

Scientific mind,

believes in Spacestar Ordering.

Who's getting the robot hand first?

Hey, you're still up for tonight, right?

I'll go if Moss goes.

Sorry, Jen.

I find music confusing and annoying.

Roy invited me to a gig once.

I didn't really enjoy it.

You went to the wrong address!

You went to a swimming pool.

Are you sure it's not swimming pools

that you find confusing and annoying?

You're right.

It's not music I hate, it's swimming!

You know what? I will come, Roy.

Where's Moss? I can't believe

he's missing out on this!

Where are they?

I'm going to have to go and dance

up the front.

Aren't you a bit old for the front?

I'm 31.

Good for you, mate!

Careful! My foot!

Will you chill? Will you chill out, man?

Ow! Jesus Chr...

Get out of town!

You hooked up with someone

from the band?

Yeah.

Wow, who was it?

Norman.

Norman? Oh, he's the drummer, right?

The keyboard player.

The keyboard player?

Okay.

What?

No, it's just...

The keyboard player? Really?

Yeah, what?

Well, it's just...

He's a bit geeky, isn't he, Jen?

I didn't think that was your type.

Jen's going out with a geek!

Are you sure it's not just

because he's in a band?

Yes. I really am that shallow, Roy.

I know you are.

Yeah, I'm that shallow.

You are, though.

I mean, you really, really are!

Look, I... I like him.

He doesn't say a lot,

he's more of a thinker.

I think he's really cool.

It's because he's in a band!

Oh, flippin' hell.

Is this your back again?

When did mosh pits become so unruly?

I told you, you should get a massage.

Oh, I've never enjoyed having massages.

I don't like being naked

in front of strangers.

And I can never relax if I think

someone might play Norah Jones.

Who wants to hear another

Spacestar Ordering success story?

Oh, wait, wait! Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

Go!

Right. Last week, I decided I wanted

to learn how to do tattoos.

So, I did the business,

bought a book on tattoos, read it

and now I know how to do tattoos. Look!

My helicopter!

(INHALING) Oh!

Oh, that's brilliant.

Let me see... Oh!

What the bloody hell's wrong with you?

Oh, no, I have a really bad back.

You should see a masseuse.

Don't see a masseuse!

They're the biggest con

of the 20th century.

I had a bad back and I cured it,

thanks to the techniques outlined

in this groundbreaking exposé

of the massage industry.

Go like this.

And push your back up.

Oh, for... Oh!

That's worse! That's way worse.

It's terrible, isn't it?

You told me that would make it better!

No, no, no!

That's how I originally injured my back.

You all right?

Yeah, feels so much better already.

So that's why I ended up

joining the parachute regiment.

Ah, yeah, the Paras...

That's the one I would have joined.

But you know, fear of heights.

Were you in the army?

No.

Oh!

Right, I'll do a little bit of work

on your thighs.