Mr. Deeds

Hello, folks at home.

Here I am, 100 yards from the top of Mount Everest.

Yet there's a part of me

that can't wait to end this silly vacation

and get back to work where the real challenges await.

Shouldn't you take your age into consideration, sir?

After all, you're 82 years old.

Am I 82?

These numbers mean nothing to me.

My journey through life has just begun.

Sir! Sir!

Oota tells me the storm's getting worse.

Very, very bad.

We must abandon our ascent

and proceed down the mountain immediately.

We're so very close to the top, Mr. Puffy-Jacket-Man.

I'm heading down now, sir. I advise you to do the same.

All right, so be it.

See you at the staff meeting on Monday.

And I'll bring the Krispy Kremes!

There, once again, the sad footage we've been watching all day.

A beloved visionary who turned a single radio station

into a global media empire.

Preston Blake, dead at 82. More after this.

You're watching the Blake Broadcasting Network.

The stock of Blake Media,

the parent company of this network,

plunged this morning on the news of Blake's death,

but bounced back after a statement

by Blake's longtime number 2, Chuck Cedar.

And all the king's horses and all the king's men

couldn't save Preston Blake from becoming a human Popsicle.

And sources indicate that Blake,

who was single and had no children, did not leave a will.

So, who inherits Blake's 49% stake

in the company's stock valued at $40 billion?

We'll discuss that with people close to Preston Blake,

including his longtime barber

on tomorrow's Inside Access. Until then, I'm Mac McGrath.

- Are we clear? Clear!

Babe? Where's Babe?

I'm gonna come over there and I'm gonna choke you to death.

I gotta go. Freaking barber!

That's the best you could get me, huh?

People tell everything to their barbers, Mac.

I mean, he's been his closest confidant for more than 20 years.

Babe, I'm not putting this guy on the air.

You get me something better and you get it quick.

Or it's your ass.

Did we find this heir yet?

We should be getting that information via fax any minute now.

I have lawyers looking through birth records

in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, and Guam.

In fact, we have a little pool going.

Guam's paying off at 1,000 to 1. (CHUCKLES)

Is this a joke to you?

Some genetic lottery winner

now controls the fate of this company.

No, no. I agree. It's troubling.

Troubling?

Your beard is troubling.

Your pipe is troubling.

Your yellow teeth are really troubling.

But if I lose control of this company, it'll be catastrophic.

Does anyone know a Dr. Mendlesohn?

Congratulations, you have a spastic colon.

That would explain a lot.

"Longfellow Deeds."

Chuck, I think we're there.

My God, it's all green.

Wow. Look at that thing. Fighter pilot on your left.

Whoo-hoo! God, I've got that sucker.

You guys lost?

We're looking for somebody. Longfellow Deeds.

Wow. Is that Deeds' first name?

Well, if the Deeds you're referring to is Longfellow Deeds,

then yes, that is Deeds' first name.

Well, I don't know Deeds' first name. Maybe it's Greg.

Maybe it's Longfellow.

Maybe. But I don't know.

I know another guy named Greg. You want me to call him up?

No. Thank you.

Please, just tell us where Deeds lives.

All right, don't get all hyperactive on me, buddy.

I'll take you straight to him.

Step right in, fellows.

He lives at a pizzeria?

You can't live in a pizzeria.

He lives upstairs. He owns it.

Excuse me. Is Mr. Deeds around?

No, I'm sorry. He's out making deliveries.

The regular delivery guy called in sick.

But you don't look too sick to me, Murph.

Oh! I forgot I was faking sick today.

You two tricked me into coming here.

Murph, put on an apron and give me a hand.

You guys played me like a fiddle. Touché!

Um... Is Mrs. Deeds around?

Mrs. Deeds?

I don't think that poor boy ever had a date.

Do you know when he'll be back?

Well, he'll be back before lunch is out. Today's Card Day.

- Card Day? - Deeds writes greeting cards.

Every Monday, he tries out a few and then he chooses one

and sends it to one of the big card companies.

Now, he hasn't sold any yet, but he will.

You guys need anything else here?

"To my sweetheart,"

"I love you completely, with all my soul."

"Without you I'm nothing, a butterless roll."

That's good.

You like that, gentlemen?

Hallmark said it showed some potential, which is pretty cool.

Longfellow Deeds?

Just call me Deeds, pal.

Easy with that Longfellow stuff.

Chuck Cedar, CEO.

Cecil Anderson, General Counsel of Blake Media.

Hey, handshakes are for strangers.

We hug around here, buddy.

What's up? What's up? Welcome to town.

Come on, don't be shy.

I like that beard. Abe Lincoln-style. Have a seat, boys.

- Murph! - Yeah, Deeds?

I thought you were sick today.

No. That was a lie, pal.

Well, you fooled me.

- I did? - Oh, yeah.

- Mr. Deeds? - Just Deeds.

You sounded so sick on the phone.

You're good. Do that sick voice again.

Deeds, I can't come to work today.

I think I got strep throat.

That's unbelievable.

You could be a radio actor or something.

Thanks, buddy. Sure.

Hey, Deeds. Read a card already.

I got to get back on duty.

Okay. I'd better get up there. Good meeting you, gentlemen.

Mr. Deeds, does the name Preston Blake mean anything to you?

Well, Mom's maiden name was Blake.

I only got one for you guys this week,

but I got a feeling it's gonna end

my losing streak with Hallmark.

Deeds, Preston Blake was your mother's uncle.

You're kidding me. I got an uncle?

That's awesome. How's he doing?

He's dead.

Oh, no. Well, if there's anything I can do...

(CHANTING) Deeds! Deeds! Deeds! Deeds!

Okay. I'll be right with you guys.

When Mr. Blake died, he left an enormous fortune.

$40 billion. He left it all to you, Deeds.

Wait a minute.

What are you talking about, you got to get back on duty?

You're not a cop.

Yeah, you're right. I got this down at the costume shop.

But it can't hurt to pretend. (LAUGHS)

What a wisenheimer!

Okay, everybody, it's show time.

I call this "50th Anniversary Card."

Which is quite a feat nowadays.

"Fifty years have passed by with laughter and tears."

"Do you remember when we went to the zoo,"

"and that time we drank all the beers?"

Yeah. Beers! Oh, yeah.

"I promise to love you for 50 years more,"

"even when your bosoms sag down to the floor."

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was awesome! How's he do it?

It looks like you won't have to be delivering pizzas anymore, Deeds.

Now you're a very rich man.

What's that got to do with delivering pizzas?

Ladies! The top one's yours.

Oh! Thank you, Deeds. Of course.

Yummy! Yummy! So, Deeds, what's new?

I found out I have an uncle, but he died.

That's too bad.

He gave me $40 billion, though.

- Well, that's nice. - Oh, yeah!

Don't you go and spend it all on some fancy record player.

I won't.

Who are your friends, Deeds?

I'm sorry. Chuck, Cecil,

this is Jane, Kitty, and Sue.

Pleasure to meet you, Cecil.

Pleasure's all mine, Kitty.

Or should I just say, "Meow"?

Keep it in your pants, Anderson.

Now, why am I inheriting this money?

You're Mr. Blake's closest living relative.

Really? He had nobody else?

Nope, that's it.

Gosh, I never even met the guy.

Would you hold this for a second?

Mr. Wetherley, how you doing, pal?

Very well, Deeds. Just going to the pharmacy.