The Neighborhood

Okay, Grover, this is it.

If the kicker misses, we stay alive,

and those losers go home.

But... if he misses, won't he feel sad?

Yeah, he'll be devastated.

It's my favorite part of football.

Okay, here comes the kick.

Yes! No good!

No good!

Ha! That's so good!

Look at his... look at his face.

Oh, what happened?

The kicker missed the field goal.

Aw. He must feel so sad.

Is Tina still at church?

It's getting kind of late.

Yeah, she's on the selection committee

to choose a new pastor.

She really likes this latest candidate.

Ooh, is he the "fire and brimstone" type,

or more of a hip, guitar-playing dude

who's down with the G-O-D?

I haven't met him.

But Tina spending Sundays at church

lets this dude be down with the NFL.

And if that's not the Lord's work,

I don't know what is.

Oh.

Hey, guys.

This is Pastor Don.

Pastor Don, this is my lovely husband, Calvin,

our neighbor Dave and his son Grover.

- Hi. How are you? - Hi.

It's nice to meet you all.

So, uh...

what brings you by, Pastor,

just before the late game starts?

Well, I invited him to join us for Sunday dinner.

There.

Whoa, whoa, Tina, what are you doing?

I didn't invite the pastor over here to watch football.

I brought him here to get to know us better.

Well, let me start by letting you know

how much I love football.

Calvin.

Fine.

Hey.

That's the same face the kicker made.

So, Pastor Don, congratulations

on your new job.

Or should I say...

"Job."

So, uh,

blasphemy's okay, but I can't watch football?

You know, the truth is, I-I don't have the job yet.

I'm still on a trial run.

All right, everyone, dinner is served.

All right. You know, if we cut down on the chitchat,

we can be done by halftime.

Okay, so, Pastor, why don't you sit here

at the head of the table? Right, Calvin?

Of course.

Well, here, take my seat. I left it nice and warm for you.

Okay, so, Pastor Don,

would you do the honor of saying grace?

- My pleasure. - Ah.

Father God, we ask that you bless this meal,

everyone here,

and especially bless

- Sister Tina, - Mm-hmm.

The one who made it.

Can you throw in something about my spelling test tomorrow?

Grover.

No, it's okay. I like the boy's spirit.

We'd love to!

Ooh, I've always wanted to wear

one of those big fancy church hats.

And now I finally have a big fancy chance.

Ah, look at that, table neighbor.

The Lord just keeps bringing us together.

God is good.

Yes, He is.

No matter what Sister Rose said about Him at Bible study.

Hey, what-what'd she say?

Oh, it's a long story.

You had to be there.

But your comeback was hilarious.

Wha... What was your comeback?

Oh...

Baby, you had to be there for that, too.

Well, I'm glad I was.

Sister Rose was so embarrassed,

she pretended she was speaking in tongues.

That... that's funny.

You know what it reminds me of,

is last week in the supermarket when the checkout guy said,

"ketchup sauce."

Remember that, Tina?

Uh-huh. That was funny, too.

Man, I wish I was there.

Ah, "ketchup sauce."

That sounds hysterical.

You know, you all have such a lovely home.

How would you feel about hosting Bible study here

this Thursday night?

- We'd love to! - We would?

Yeah. I mean, yeah, we would. Yeah.

Oh-ho-ho!

- Ha-ha! - Damn it!

It's like you knew I was gonna do a fake punt.

I did. You literally just said, "Watch this fake punt."

I was talking to my team. Quit listening to my huddle!

Uh, what was that?

That's my new upstairs neighbor.

Man, that has got to be annoying.

Yeah, that's not all.

Yesterday he parked his pickup truck

so close to my car, I had to climb out through the trunk.

Oh, man. Wait, do you have security cameras in your garage?

Oh, you mean so I could show the landlord?

No. So I can watch you squeeze your nerdy ass out of that trunk.

Hey, Calvin.

Oh, hey, Gemma.

It was so nice getting to know Pastor Don last night.

He's very charming.

Yeah, he's fine.

Uh-oh. That's the same "fine" Dave's mom gave me

when I asked her how I looked in my wedding dress.

You know, I just don't like how chummy he is with Tina.

Did you see him hold her hand at dinner?

Calvin, we were saying grace.

Well, did you see what he did after dinner?

What kind of pastor drinks scotch?

You offered it to him.

As a test... which he failed.

I don't know,

this guy's up to no good.

Well, to be honest, I know how you feel.

- You do? - Yeah.

Women are always throwing themselves at Dave.

Did you date another Dave before this one?

I'm just saying, if your gut's telling you something, trust it.

Yeah, you're right.

I need to keep an eye on him.

Hmm. It's not easy, but it's the price we pay

for falling in love with hotties.

All right.

Now, if I can trap him into taking my bishop,

I can take his queen.

Ha! Now you're talking to yourself.

Actually, I was talking to you.

Ha. Checkmate.

Yo, seriously,

you haven't taken care of this cowboy yet?

I sure did. I confronted the guy

and told him what's what.

- Oh, you did? - Yes.

Via a friendly note I slid under his door.

But I think

the Starbucks gift card sent quite a message.

Marty, you have backed down from stuff your whole life.

Remember your first day at USC when one of your professors

called you Morty, and you never corrected him?

It wasn't that big a deal.

Your diploma says Morton Butler!

Okay, Marty, I could go upstairs

and take care of this for your sorry ass.

Yes, that'd be great.

Come on, little bro,

you can't keep running from your problems forever.

Think about it... what would Yoda tell you to do?

I guess he'd say...

Confront him, you should.

Exactly.

Then why are you still standing here?

Because stalling, I am.

All right, everyone, let's dig in and see

what the Lord has to say about helping those in need.

But first, what I need is another piece

of Sister Tina's delicious peach cobbler.

Aw. Thank you, Pastor.

Ask and you shall receive.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

Oh, baby, what are you doing here?

I thought you were playing poker with the guys.

I changed my mind.

Tonight I'm betting it all on God.

Well, Brother Calvin,

you came to the right place.

And you're sitting in the wrong one. Okay, come on.

Oh. Sorry.

Now, to quote Jesus after he rose from the dead:

"What'd I miss?"

I want to thank you both so much for hosting tonight.

No. Thank you.

- Your words were so inspiring. - Oh, thank you.

Good stuff, now. All right.

Thank you, Brother Calvin.

Sister Tina, I'll see you Sunday morning.