Me, Myself and Her (Io e lei)

ME, MYSELF AND HER

What will you name the child ?

Tommaso.

Dear parents, in baptizing your son you are pledging

to bring him up in faith.

In observing the Commandments, you learn to love thy fellow man

as Jesus taught us.

Are you aware of these duties ?

Yes.

I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son...

and Holy Spirit.

- Where's Federica ? - Federica !

Federica, come here. You are extended family !

- That's better... - Ready ?

Ready ?

- Good evening. - Good evening.

- After you. - Thanks.

- Sixth floor, and you ? - Same.

By chance do you live in...

In apartment 12. l'm in 12.

How odd !

- Why is it odd ? - I'm in 12 too.

- Really ? - Yes.

I'd never noticed.

- Don't tell me this carpet's yours too ? - That's right.

What a strange coincidence.

- Incredible, isn't it ? - Indeed.

Sweet kitty, did you miss your mummy ?

l'll feed you now.

So this is your cat ? I couldn't figure out why he was in here.

- Odd, isn't it ? - Odd ? No.

It's a rare breed.

Crossbred with a jaguar, they're called Bengal cats.

Nice, would make a great fur...

You really are an evil stepmother.

I bet you didn't even feed him at lunch.

- I'd put money on it. - Indeed.

I knew it.

- You were at the baptism till now ? - Yes.

Poor darling...

Simona's mother is the same age as Sergio, right ?

I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just curious.

You're right. There's a two-year difference between them.

He's the same age as his mother-in-law.

- It shows ! - Sorry...

I want to show you another one...

- Where was it ? - My pillow, my glasses...

- Anything else, Federica ? - Here, it's too firm for me.

- Your neck ? - My neck...

My entire back is aching.

I can't find it. Let's go to sleep.

In bed at 10:30, Miss Four-Eyes and Miss Broken Back.

So what ?

We're getting old.

- Oh God ! - What ?

The coffee !

Don't worry, I'll run to the shop in the morning, you'll have your coffee.

You're my rock.

Like hell a man would bring you coffee in bed !

D'Alessio, say it !

- It's not doable. - As you always say...

I sent you the renderings, a sliding roof would be lovely.

But that would be heavier,

we need to make sure the structure can support it.

Like I said, it seems too complicated.

We'll figure it out, tell them we're finding a way.

And we will, we always do.

We'll talk about it later.

- Over dinner ? - No, over coffee.

What do I need to do to take you out to dinner ?

Make the sliding roof happen !

Look... I picked these.

Biodegradable.

Great !

Marina, the photographer's here.

I totally forgot about him !

Next week you have the interview for the magazine.

- I sent you an email reminder. - I hate photos.

Relax, they sent hair and make up for the shoot.

Even worse !

Hello, thanks for coming.

- You're 15 minutes late. - l know, sorry.

Traffic was awful. Avoid the ring road, you'll get stuck for hours !

Bye, D'Alessio !

Well ?

No ! This one is too soft.

It's supposed to be soft, isn't it ?

But l feel like I'm sinking.

I doubt it'll work for my back.

What do you think ?

Ma'am, I suggest you try this one called "Physiology".

You see ? It's very soft

but provides support.

- What's this ? - That's "Luxfirm", it's pure foam.

Do you like it ?

- This is more like it ? - Right ?

It's our best seller, and a very good deal.

No, this is too hard.

Come try this, it's comfier than ours.

Lie down.

You should try it together, you need to feel the support with your weight.

Lie in the exact position you sleep in.

No need. It's okay. I get it. The weight, the support...

No, it's important. Turn on your side.

Lie in your usual spoon position.

All the couples who bought it thanked me,

I can show you their emails.

No need, thanks...

You decide, I don't have an opinion.

How odd, you usually have too many.

Then we'll go with this one. End of story.

I wanted to comment on separations.

- I'm single. - Well then...

I disagree, a professional shouldn't behave like that.

He sells mattresses, he's not an aerospace engineer !

Exactly why he should be more tactful, discreet.

- His is a very intimate job. - Give me a break !

It doesn't take Sherlock Holmes to realize we sleep together.

We could've been friends, sisters...

Who cares ? He was nice and gave us a good price,

we bought "Physiology"...

It's a matter of principal, ethics, and privacy.

Oh right, privacy !

Easy on the chips or you'll regret it.

So how is everything ?

Get me her last X-rays.

Let's see...

Good. Any pain or trouble ?

Nope.

Recline her.

- What's new ? - Nothing.

Our baby keeps us up at night, he woke up at 4:00 this morning.

We got a nanny, Simona has to go back to work.

Hope we can make a getaway to Gaeta next weekend.

Did I tell you we've added another guest room there ?

Yes, in the toolshed, so Bernardo and Arianna

can have their own room.

Who's Arianna ? What happened to Claudia ?

- They broke up. - Bernardo didn't tell me.

- Why didn't he tell me ? - Dunno, but Arianna...

is much more pleasant and smarter than the last one.

They came to dinner the other night and she told us

some hilarious stories about her family.

- Her dad worked in a circus... - That's weird.

- How come I don't know about this ? - It's just a fling, nothing official.

You met her, invited them to Gaeta, that's not a fling !

- Open up. - Always behind my back.

- What does that mean ? - Like with the baptism.

- How so ? - Since when are you religious ?

Don't be silly, you know Simona's family is Catholic.

But you never baptized Bernardo.

That was 24 years ago, come on ! People change with age.

I don't, I'm still the same.

In fact, you've been living with a woman for 5 years.

Open up now.

- Wait. - Open up !

- Everything okay ? - Yes.

- You sure ? - Yes.

Salt...

Not too much.

Here you go, baby.

When he acts like a kid I want to smack him.

All buddy-buddy with Bernardo, his girlfriend, you know ?

Aren't you fed up with family ?

You spent your life as Sergio's wife, Bernardo's mum... enough's enough !

- Enjoy your freedom. - True, I hit the jackpot.

Let's catch up with our series.

- No, that's the AC remote. - Oops...

With 7 remotes it gets confusing.

This one...

- Who's that ? - The main actress of the series !

- Wasn't she dead ? - It's a flashback.

- She has short hair, see ? - Her hair is really short...

- I didn't even recognize her. - Good grief.

Hush, let's watch.

We were talking about when you decided to ditch everything.

Was it a situation or a person who led you to that ?

I didn't have a falling out with anyone, if that's what you mean.

At one point I just realized acting wasn't my life.

I was 32 and no longer enjoyed it.

- I was never a great actress anyway. - Nonsense.

- Your admirers would disagree. - Certain critics wouldn't !

In any case, that's not even the reason.

My family is pretty down to earth, they're shopkeepers.

- And this work is more rewarding. - So true...

you invented high-quality takeaway.

At the end of each day, we donate leftovers to charity.

It's not just a gimmick, there's fresh food every day.

Let's go back to when you were an actress.

Did you ever feel any pressure to hide the fact that you were gay ?

No, no real pressure.

But of course I was younger, more insecure...

But once, this journalist

kept pressing me during an interview so

I told him I was involved,

l kept everything in the masculine...

said I was dating a guy named Antonio...

I didn't have the guts to say I was in love with a woman.

Reading over that interview made me feel like shit.

- And now ? - Now what ?