Animal Control

Yeah, so sloth's climbing up Wall Three,

one of our most popular climbs.

When did he start his ascent, last week?

Over here.

Up there.

We had a kid's birthday party yesterday.

I think the petting zoo guy must have forgotten him.

Oh, did they use Heavy Petters? We get a lot of calls.

Real sloppy with their head count.

Oh, little dude's on the move.

He's getting cocky.

Shred, strap me in.

Frank, let me flag this one more time.

Are you sure you don't want me to climb?

Shred, look at him.

I'm just worried about you overdosing on cuteness

and losing all your faculties. I got this.

Hurry, Frank! I think he's losing his grip!

Mmhmm. The yelling helps.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, buddy. I'm Frank. It's ok.

Yeah, come on over here nice and easy.

Oh, alright. Well, um...

He likes the clip, Frank.

Oh, look. It's shiny.

Ok, ok.

No, no, no, no, no!

Ahhhhh!!!!!

Are you ok?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

The phone and keys broke my fall.

What are you giggling at?

Teresa.

She sent me a video of her getting knocked over by a wave.

She's very self-deprecating.

Who's Teresa?

One of the women I'm texting with.

One of the women?

Yeah. I joined a couple of those dating apps

and maybe it's 'cause I posted a picture

of me with a baby giraffe

but I'm getting a lot of messages.

I feel like it was just a week ago you were so heartbroken

over Emily you couldn't finish your French toast sticks.

I'm done wallowing, Frank. I'm done with it.

Man was not put on this earth to wallow.

Hey, if you had a dazzling text rapport with someone

would you be willing to travel to Bainbridge Island?

It's a long way away, I have to take a ferry,

but I think it makes a statement.

Well, it's a big opportunity for her to meet

the most exhausting person on the planet.

Precinct 22 adoption update:

we just found a home for the goat,

so that makes 68 pets this quarter.

Our kennels are officially empty.

Alright.

Congratulations.

How many did Templeton's broke ass precinct have?

As of this morning, 75.

Wait, so we don't have a chance at the ping pong table?

There's only two days left.

Why did you present this as a win?

Ok, well we're second in all of Seattle

so we're going to get the pizza lunch.

But I don't want the pizza lunch.

I want the table.

Alright, well it's not about winning,

it's about the animals' well-being.

Oh, you think the animals want Templeton to win?

No, they want justice,

and justice is me winning that table.

I mean us, the collective me. I just wanna play ping pong!

Ok, bye, Frank.

Thank you for contacting

US Citizenship and Immigration Services.

Your call will be answered by the next available agent.

Yes, I know, because you've told me 700 times.

Don't.

-Gotcha. -Don't you dare.

-I don't like this part. -Stop.

Is that a French horn?

All units: Police requesting back-up

at 146 Broadway.

It's a French horn. Truck 8 responding.

Thank you for contacting

US Citizenship and Immigration Services.

This is torture! I just need a green card!

Why are you making this so difficult?

Don't.

Hey, officers Flea and Tick.

Oh my god, you are so funny.

Those improv classes are really paying off, Jimmy.

What've we got?

Hoarder died alone. A lot of toasters.

A lot of cats.

How many cats?

I don't know, man. Like 400?

They wouldn't stay still for a head count.

They're all gonna need homes.

You know what else needs a home? That ping pong table.

Up top, Shred.

Yep.

Alright, let's go, guys.

Hi.

Ewww, this place freaks me out.

Yeah, I don't wanna toot my own horn but this is exactly

what I thought a hoarder's house would smell like.

Classic Frank boast. No way to verify it.

Just breathe in.

Don't do that!

Sorry.

Who keeps a headless mannequin in a hallway, dude?

What?

There are dozens of jars of urine in the other room

and this gives you pause?

Guys, remember that hoarding is a disease

according to this pamphlet I found

in a pile of pamphlets about hoarding.

That is not cool!

Dude.

What? Just 'cause an old lady died here doesn't mean

we can't have a little fun.

Can anyone else hear that music?

I can't tell whether it's real or whether it's in my head.

I totally hear it.

'Cause it's music playing, guys.

-Hello? -

Is anybody home?

Well, I hope you guys feel silly.

What is it?! Is it undead?

Away demon! Off! Get it off!

I think we just added to the urine smell.

Get it off!

Too bad she didn't hoard cleaning products.

Sure, it's got a bit of deferred maintenance,

every surface is sticky, but it's got good bones.

A savvy investor could come in here and make a killing.

Look at this. That's original red oak.

Right.

Is that a working fireplace?

Ooh, I just got confirmation from Bainbridge Island.

I'm now fully booked for the week.

You gotta get on one of these apps, Frank.

Dating apps are for losers.

I get heaps of action from those apps.

Dating apps are for losers and illegal aliens.

Oh, burn.

Let's get these cats out of here and go win a ping pong table.

Yeah, working! Maybe I should invest.

I think you're changing the subject.

The subject was and always will be ping pong.

You changed it.

Yeah, but I've known you a year and a half,

you've never been in a relationship,

I just think it's weird.

Look, I got ghosted by the same woman twice.

And my dentist, also a woman, she keeps rescheduling,

so I'm just gonna take the spring off.

Frank, you're not getting any younger.

And don't you wanna meet a nice lady who can help you

get on and off the toilet?

Yeah, you know, one more comment like that and I'm calling ICE.

I'm just saying you have to be careful,

because this situation could be you.

Lonely, tall man, dies surrounded by his cats.

Ok.

I think it might already be too late.

My legs are so well-defined they think it's a scratching post.

Sure.

Alright everybody, listen up.

We have been given a gift with these cats.

A screeching, clawing gift from the gods.

What is going on with these phones?

Immigration.

That is a French horn, right?

What's your excuse?

Bainbridge Island fell out and I have to fill her slot.

Let me rephrase that.

Frank, is now a good time to speak to you

about an investment opportunity?

No.

Because I am on Zillow right now, excellent school district,

it practically sells itself to a young family,

not to mention a peekaboo view of the Space Needle.

I wouldn't even go in on a bag of M&M's with you,

let alone a hoarder's house. We need to focus.

There is a ping pong table at stake.

Sure, I could just buy one, but it's not about that.

It's about beating Templeton.

We have until end of business Friday

to get this product out the door.

Ok, Frank, just a reminder they're neglected cats,

not product, and it's, you know, less about speed,

more about finding them good, loving homes.

Totally. Three of them are siblings.

So we could probably put those in one package

and that would leave us with ten units.

Officer Dudge approaching, should I deny entry?

-Yeah. -Yes.