Gossip Girl

Gossip Girl here--

your one and only source

into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

I love you more and more every day,

if it's even possible to love someone that much.

This was the only car with the keys in it.

It's fine. Just go.

You--you just wanna take away something that matters to me?

Did you even care about Dan?

Yeah, I've been holed up,

trying to figure out a concept for my new book.

And it's great that they gave me a deal for a second one,

but that means I actually have to come up

wi something to write about.

I have something I think you'd like to see.

Charlie Trout.

Do I know you?

Yeah, Alessandra. We met at Dan's book party.

What's it like being a book agent

and working with my good friend Dan?

If they ever found out

the truth about the real Charlotte Rhodes,

they would never forgive me.

Ivy! It's Charlotte Rhodes!

From Florida. We took that acting class together.

Uh, yeah. Charlotte.

Why was Ivy Dickens here anyway?

Oh, she's my friend's cousin. Her real name's Charlie Rhodes.

I'm sorry. Real name?

I'm worried there's not much time left.

Mrs. Rhodes is up right now if you'd like to talk to her.

You shouldn't have sent that video in to "Gossip Girl."

I didn't do it.

Then who did?

I'll never tell.

Gossip Girl.

February is the shortest month,

but the bitter chill makes it feel the longest.

The smart ones, like me, escape to more tropical climates,

while some of my Upper East Side friends

use the time to hunker down and finish their work.

Others snuggle up in bed

with their agendas to keep them warm.

And then there are the homes

that feel even colder inside than it is out.

Hello?

You did not have to buy me a gift.

I wanted to. I hope you like it.

It's gorgeous.

It'll look even more gorgeous on you.

Lunch today so I can see it?

Uh, I can't.

Dan's turning in his book proposal.

He's making a big deal about it, even getting it bound.

A messenger's picking it up at 11:00.

I have to read it

before it goes off to Jonathan Karp.

So what about after you're done?

Oh, okay. Come by around 5:00?

It's a date.

Dad, what are you doing here?

It's so cold,

I came to get my green down puffy jacket.

Which is here because...

Lily hates it,

and she'd throw it out if she got her hands on it.

Well, you might wanna listen to a woman with taste.

That reminds me, how's everything going with Blair?

That's a nice transition, but we haven't really spoken.

Uh, I've been busy with my book proposal,

and she's busy...

with, uh, her princess stuff, so, you know.

No, I don't. And you guys kissed.

Which is why it's better to stay clear of her.

Nothing good could come of us hanging out right now.

So if we're not gonna be more than friends,

it's too hard to be... just friends.

Is that your proposal?

Oh, congratulations.

At least you're using your solo time to be productive.

Yeah, I actually feel really good about it.

Hey, would you mind waiting, uh,

for the messenger to come pick this up?

'Cause Chuck invited me over, and I'm gonna stop by

on my way to the library.

He's not still mad at you

for running off with Blair at the wedding?

Uh... well, I guess neither of us

is letting our feelings for Blair keep us down.

Speaking of down, lily was right. That jacket is terrible.

Why does everybody hate this jacket?

I told you that I'm sorry.

I-I don't know what came over me.

I'm not sure it even was me,

because why would I ever kiss Humphrey?

Oh, so that's your excuse-- multiple personality disorder?

Or did an alien take over your body?

I would never do anything to hurt you.

Too late.

Look, it was a mistake. What do you want me to do?

Self-flagellate? Wear a hair shirt?

If you're referring to the hideous fur vest you wore yesterday,

I'm the only one that suffered because I had to look at it.

Can you pass the salt, please?

Mm, looks like we're all out.

I go get more.

And I'd like some more bacon. Crisp, please.

Oh, why don't you just take mine?

You don't seem to have a problem doing that.

How much longer can you go on?!

Enough! I can't take this!

- No, she didn't. - Oh, yes, she did.

Dorota, come on!

Let us out, Dorota!

You not coming out until you work this out!

I don't care if it takes all day!

Don't look at me. She works for you.

I'm glad you called, Nate.

I'm glad you said yes.

So what have you been up to since the party?

Oh, I'm supposed to be doing schoolwork,

but I'm really just procrastinating.

You know, hanging out with friends

and trying to get to know the city even better.

Oh, and, um...

I friended that girl Ivy-- um, Charlie--

on Facebook, but I never heard back from her.

Yeah, well, she's in Europe, so maybe that's why.

Did she go with friends or just by herself?

I don't really know.

Do you not like her or something?

No, no, I do.

I mean, she and I this thing. It was nothing major.

But if you're asking, I thought you should know.

I'm trying to be honest.

Well, I appreciate that.

Honesty is hard to come by these days.

Not that I'm one to talk.

My mom doesn't even know I live here.

Oh, hey, that's my friend Dan's book. Are you reading it?

Oh, actually, I'm performing it

at the Upright Citizens Brigade.

It's this improv group, and they have a book night

where they read excerpts from current novels.

They're doing "Inside" tonight.

Let me guess. The reading's just you guys mocking it, right?

Pretty much. But it's not bad for Dan.

He should come.

You can invite him yourself. He's on his way up.

We're taking monkey for a walk.

I thought since he's the reason I'm saddled with the mutt,

he can freeze his ass, too.

So you guys are okay.

Here's monkey's playdate now.

Good to see you, Humphrey.

Is it?

Of course.

Losing Blair was tough on us both,

but it's not your fault.

So you're not mad about what happened?

Because she used you as her getaway driver?

Humphrey, you two can play "Driving Miss Waldorf"

as much as you want.

As for me, I'm not interested

in mooning over the woman who broke my heart.

I'm a sadist, not a masochist.

I think you might be on to something there.

Aren't I always?

As for monkey, I'm afraid he'll have to wait.

Nathaniel's new friend

would like to speak with you about "Inside."

I'll just put these away for now.

Espresso?

Sure.

So what's this I hear about my book?

Oh, Lola's performing it at a theater.

With the Upright Citizens Brigade.

Have you heard of them?

This is ridiculous. I'm married.

And I haven't seen Dan since Valentine's Day.

Which proves my point. Whenever you have feelings

for someone that you can't deal with, you avoid them.

I am not avoiding him. If you don't remember,

I have a royal minder who watches my every move.

Okay, well, then if you don't have feelings for him,

then spending time with Dan

shouldn't be a problem for him or you.

It isn't. And I'll prove it to you.

How?

By hanging out with him all day. Why don't you come with me?

I'm not spending the day with you and Dan.

And what would that prove anyway?

That he and I are nothing more than old friends.

I'll point out the sadness of his hair, clothing,

Brooklyn roots, and he will decry

my constructive criticism as snobbery.

We'll share our views on recent French cinema.

And there will be no kissing!

Open up!

Everything fixed?