When We First Met

Hi. Sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted really quickly to say thank you so much for coming

and for sharing such a perfect evening with us.

It's been so perfect

that I think the only day that could possibly rival it

is the one that resulted in all of us being here in the first place.

And that night was exactly three years ago today.

And it was on that night that I knew I had met someone really, really special.

Aw.

It was the night when we first met.

Excuse me.

Whoa, Black Elvis. It's a good song.

Oh. Cool. Going to Coachella?

Excuse me. Coming through. What is she dressed as?

- Whoo-hoo! - Hey, watch it, buddy!

Whoo! Hulk smash!

- Are you okay? - Oh, my God. I think so.

You are A League of Their Own, right?

- Yeah. - I love that movie.

Okay. What character am I?

I'm getting, like, a Tom Hanks vibe from you.

- No? - No. I'm Dottie Hinson.

I'm Geena Davis's character.

- Okay, that makes more sense. - Are you my lesbian cousin Shannon?

Yes. I was gonna ask if you wanted to join my softball team.

- I have a second guess. - Who?

- Are you Garth? - Excellent!

You know, the key to doing a good Garth impression

is to make your mouth into a tiny little butthole.

That was good.

- Noah. - I'm Avery.

It's nice to meet you.

So, what is your favorite drink?

Grapefruit juice with vodka and three maraschino cherries.

Okay. Where are you from?

All over the place. Kind of an army brat.

I don't really like that term, but that's what they call it.

Well, I was a regular brat, and I still don't like that term.

Let's see it.

Okay, so, it's a work in progress.

- Okay. All right. - It's not totally done.

Ta-da!

- Oh, it's good! - You hate it.

It looks drunk, admittedly.

- You're quite the artist. - Thank you.

See what's going on over there

between Sexy Grumpy Cat and the hipster Where's Waldo?

Look, they're gonna fall in...

Oh-ho! Now watch. Everyone's gonna jump in.

Let's party! Whoo!

Whoo!

- Maybe not. - Wow. Now they're making out in the pool.

That's kind of tacky. Wait. I think I know that guy.

His name is Patric with no “K.”

- That's a bad name. - We went on one date.

He literally spent the entire time teaching me about sea turtles.

Well, at least you know someone here.

I just came with my roommate, Carrie.

And there she is, making out with Jell-O Shot Doctor.

Hey, do you wanna get out of here?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- Do you like jazz? - Do I like breathing?

God, this place is so awesome.

How'd you find out about it?

Well, I kinda know a guy that works here.

- Ooh! - It's me.

- I'm that guy. - Yeah.

- Did you get that? - I got that, yeah. Yeah.

Actually, I am the piano man...

who's got magic hands.

Oh, my God!

- So, is there anything you'd like to hear? - Mmm.

Do you know any Count Basie?

Whoa! You are a jazz fan.

- I am, mm-hmm. - Wow. I love Count Basie.

- I'm more of an Oscar Peterson fan. - Okay.

His friends call him “OP” for short. Do you know him?

- No. - He's dead, so you can't know him.

Well, I appreciate a guy who knows his music history.

In that case, sit back and relax and enjoy this Count Basie classic.

Okay.

This is not Count Basie!

Uh-oh! Piano solo! You said piano solo, didn't you?

- Oh, my God! New mission! - What's up?

Okay, okay. Hey, do not forget to tip your piano man!

This is gonna be great.

All right.

These things are so much fun.

- Ready? Okay. - Yep.

- No boring high school yearbook poses. - What do you mean?

The whole point is to do something different in every photo.

I'm smiling.

I know this might come as a shock to you,

but I've never actually taken a photo booth photo.

- What? - Yep. I'm a virgin.

So be gentle with me, please.

- Virgin, huh? - Mm-hmm.

Well, not anymore.

Come on. This is the best part.

- So we just stand out here and wait? - Shh. Listen.

There's real film developing in there.

It's the sound of history.

How we lookin'?

Well, your technique could definitely use some work.

But you're cute.

- Hmm? - Come on. Let's do it again.

Yeah, okay.

So, this is it.

- Wow. - Yeah.

Your place is... is incredible.

- Honestly. - Thanks.

Really? You've got one?

Yeah. Why? Do you play?

Oh, do I play?

Oh, you are so dead. I am a master.

- Really? You're a master. Okay. - I am. Ready?

- No! Don't spin it! - Is that a rule? I've never heard that.

Yeah, that is a rule.

- Aah! - Ohh! Laser!

One step closer.

That's what you get for cheating. I win.

Whoo! Crowd goes wild!

Mmm. I haven't had Cookie Crisp in, like, ten years.

Oh. Best late-night food ever.

- It's the best. - Mm-hmm.

So then I got the job at the piano bar,

and the first night playing was just amazing.

So I dropped out of business school the next day.

You know what they say. Do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.

Yeah, super-super-poor people say that.

- Can I get you another refresher? - Yeah.

- Oh. She's gulping it down. - A little bit more. Thank you.

Who's this? Is this your grandma?

Oh, no, that's actually Dorothy.

She lives at the retirement home I did a fund-raiser for.

I organize benefits for charities.

So, like kids, the elderly, animals.

You name it, I do it.

Who are you?

And that was it.

That was the moment I knew that it was love.

To Ethan and Avery!

Cheers!

Yeah. I'll take one. Thank you.

Mmm.

I'm gonna need two.

Ah.

Oh, a little boost.

Excuse me.

- I'm gonna go. - Yeah.

Thank you. I'll be right back.

It burns!

Hey, Noah!

- Noah? - Hey.

- Hey, you okay in there? - Not so good.

My Aunt Cindy said you puked on her a little bit as you walked by.

She puked on me first.

Okay, I'm coming in.

- Okay? - Oh, I wish you wouldn't.

I'm coming in.

Hey.

How are you?

- You dying in here? - I'm...

I'm... so good.

You hit the open bar too hard.

You think this is about...

drinking?

This was about...

food poisoning.

Taquitos.

Or the seven-layer dip.

Why so many layers? You don't need seven.

- Ethan. - Noah. How you feeling, buddy?

Oh, so good. I'm so glad he's here now.

Got you a Vitaminwater, some saltines.

I got Pepto chewables in the glove box. Let's get this stuff in your system.

Mmm, yeah. Thank you.

You are a peach.

Oh. What are these, crackers?

Mm-mm-mmm. Mmm!

- Feel better already. - Awesome.

Let me know if you need anything else.

- Baby, by the way, that speech? - Yeah?

- It was beautiful. - Thank you.

- Everybody in the room was so moved. - I was so nervous.

- I love you so much. - I love you.

Also, my parents want to team up for that Skype call whenever we have a chance.

So, um, just meet me at the laptop?

- Yes. I'll be right there. - Okay.

- Feel better. Okay? - Mm-hmm.

Keep your head up.

Okay.

You wanna go maybe walk around a little bit?

- Just really slowly. Careful, careful. - I'm fine.

- Okay. Okay. - These aren't good.