Black Friday

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Shoppers already?

- Hey, Monty, I'm getting outta here, man.

It's Thanksgiving.

- What time did they start showing up last year?

- About noon. - Noon?

Freaking vultures!

♪ ♪

Oh, shit.

What the fuck is that?

♪ ♪

Monty.

Yo, Monty!

Oh, what the fuck, Monty?

You had one job.

Jesus Christ.

Monty? -

♪ ♪

♪ It's Christmastime ♪

♪ And I know that I ♪

♪ Got a touch of inspiration and I can't lose ♪

♪ All the little tikes ♪

♪ Want their dolls and bikes ♪

♪ But I got a gift for you ♪

♪ It ain't Tinkertoys ♪

♪ For the girls and boys ♪

♪ But I'm not gonna give you many clues ♪

♪ 'Cause I like your eyes ♪

♪ When they see surprise ♪

♪ And I've got a big one for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ The other kids can have the toys ♪

♪ Blocks and puzzles too ♪

♪ Choo-choo trains and wind-up planes ♪

♪ But I've got much more for you ♪

♪ Oh, that tinsel's swingin' ♪

♪ And the bells are ringin' ♪

♪ And it's all such a big to-do ♪

♪ But you can keep the cards ♪

♪ And the kind regards ♪

♪ 'Cause I got a gift for you ♪

♪ Come one, come all ♪

♪ It's a grand old ball ♪

♪ Gather close, 'cause it's gonna be a real hoot ♪

♪ Hoo-hoo ♪

♪ Your grandma's here ♪

♪ Sayin', "Join me, dear ♪

♪ "Have I got a gift for you ♪

♪ Have I got a gift for you" ♪

♪♪

- All right, influencers, time to go.

Come on. Mom's is boring.

Mom's house isn't boring.

Her and Grant are...

well, they're kinda lame.

- He uses Axe body spray. - I know.

- And he farts, like, all the time.

- Come on, Dad. We had Thanksgiving breakfast.

Talk about sad.

Mom's waiting. Let's go.

Come on, let's go. Come on, kiddo.

- Why do you have to work on Thanksgiving, Dad?

It's not fair.

Listen, kiddo.

Heroes work on the holidays, okay?

Cops, firefighters, your dad.

Come on. Come on, let's go.

Come on. - I love you, Daddy.

- I love you too, baby. Give me a big hug.

Oh, big squishes.

Hey, hey.

Grant does not work today.

Take that for what you will, okay?

Okay, get out here. Love you. I love you.

That's a sweater, huh?

- ♪ The other kids can have the toys ♪

♪ Blocks and puzzles too ♪

♪ Choo-choo trains and wind-up planes ♪

♪ But I've got much more for you ♪

♪ Oh, that tinsel's swingin' ♪

♪ And the bells are ringin' ♪

♪ And It's all such a big to-do ♪

- Has anyone seen my hand sanitizer?

- Uh, check the drawer in the foyer.

- Yeah, maybe check that shithole you call a room.

Hey, pass the pie, will ya? - Yeah.

- Hey, has anyone seen a new one?

Uh, check the--

Oh! My pocket's got it.

- Honey, I think your ride's here.

- Christopher, we're trying to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, okay?

- You have to work all weekend? - I don't know.

Is Dad still charging me rent?

All weekend. I love you guys.

Happy Thanksgiving, honey.

Happy Black Friday.

♪ I got a gift for you ♪

♪ ♪

- Coming to the ring, weighing 35 pounds,

looking like an absolute vegetarian...

Whoo-whoo-whoo!

Chris Godecki!

What's up, buddy?

Come on. Turn that frown upside down.

You look like you don't want to be working on Thanksgiving.

Oh, nice booster seat.

Got any juice boxes for after the game?

- The booster seat's for you, little man.

♪ Dear Santa ♪

♪ Here's an idea I had ♪

♪ Dear Santa ♪

- ♪ A gift for my mom and dad ♪

- ♪ Dear Santa ♪ - ♪ This year I had to write ♪

- I hate that this shift is something

I've done more than once.

So you're feeling good, then?

- It's like, everyone's at home watching football,

eating pumpkin pie.

This is so depressing.

- Buddy, I had to hand my kids off

to their mother at sundown.

Gracie remarked how sad it was we had Thanksgiving breakfast.

- That almost makes me feel better.

- We Luv Toys loves Black Friday deals,

so come on down!

That's weird.

Why would they be closed tonight?

Whoa! Whoa!

I guarantee that was some soccer mom

high on the thrill of being a douche.

- Black Friday massacre. - Yeah.

- ♪ Whoo-hoo, hey there, Santa ♪

♪ Time to jump on your big ole sleigh ♪

- Oh, I don't-- I don't feel good.

You're fine.

♪♪

♪ Come on, Santa ♪

♪ It's almost Christmastime again ♪

♪♪

- Go clock in. You don't want to talk to me for free.

Ready for the shit show?

What's up, man?

♪♪

♪ Come on, Santa ♪

♪ It's almost Christmastime again ♪

♪♪

♪ Hey there, Santa, time to get ole Rudolph ♪

I'd say be careful,

but I bet you're tougher than any guy here.

You're too sweet.

All set in the back?

- Should be. Keys are in the truck

and I've got a shit ton of toys to unload.

- Thanks, Lou. Your work's appreciated.

- Thought we said we weren't gonna wear

the same outfits tonight.

- Man, I guess you should just go home, then.

Huh. Don't tempt me.

- You brought the shopping carts back in, right?

Yeah, you bet.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

A doughnut.

A doughnut who?

- I doughnut fucking believe you.

- We still on for pancakes tonight?

Are you buying?

- I don't think we've ever been introduced.

I'm the artist formerly known as half to my ex.

- Hey, let me get my holiday bonus.

Nice try, Bates,

but you get it when you clock out at 6:00.

6:00?

That's a ten-hour descent into hell!

Oh, my back.

We've got "I-View Sky"

reporting on tonight's meteor showers.

- We've got tips on how to snap

the perfect meteor--

- It's okay to be sad, depressed, and even suicidal.

Toy does not come with any chokeable parts

or pieces that can be-- - Thanks, Sandy.

And reports are telling us now

people should go nowhere near these things.

- And Chucky says we're all going to die.