The Office

That's no problem.

- Hang up. - Sure.

- Knock, knock. - On the phone.

- I know you are. Knock, knock. - You can fax it over.

Yeah, 5-7-0...

- 5-5... - 5-9-1...

- 0-1... - 7-4...

- 7-5. - "Flive-ling."

0-1-7-5.

That makes us look unprofessional.

They would never know it was me. Here we go.

Who's there?

- Buddha. - Buddha who?

Buddha this bread for me, won't you?

Great.

I need something to wipe my hand.

There's butter on my desk.

- A classic. - I got a knock-knock joke.

Michael, please?

Please let me.

- Who's there? - KGB.

- KG... - We will ask the questions.

What the hell was that?

What are you doing?

- Stop that. Come on. - You like that?

What are you doing? Mine was part of a joke!

Mine was retribution. No more knock-knock jokes.

- That's it. - Ding-dong.

- Who's there? - KGB.

- Dwight, get the door. - I'm not answering the door.

- It's the KGB. - You get it.

I'm not answering. You answer it.

- I'm not gonna answer it. - It's the KGB!

The KGB will wait for no one.

It's true.

Subtitles: - Feygnasse Team -

Synch: Jarick & Collioure Proofreading: So. & Valpi

Episode 5x17 "Golden Ticket"

Good morning, Michael.

I am not Michael.

I am Willy Wonka!

Good morning, Mr. Wonka. Your messages.

Thank you very much. What are those?

Tell me please!

Jelly beans.

They are not just ordinary jelly beans, little girl.

These are extraordinary jelly beans!

The Willy Wonka golden ticket promotional idea

is probably the best idea I've ever had.

It's probably the best idea anybody has ever had.

Three days ago,

I slipped five pieces of gold paper

into random paper shipments.

This entitles the customer to 10% off of their total order.

It will be...

a day for them that is full of whimsy

and full of excitement

and full of fantasy.

I have written these things because it is my responsibility

as manager of this branch

to "profiligate" great ideas,

and I think I've done my part with the golden ticket promotion.

Now it is your turn.

I want to hear some great ideas from you

that are just as good as mine.

We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends.

Too many words. Good ideas are simple...

Golden ticket.

Free... paper.

Jim, we're a business.

Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea.

NASA took five

or six golden ticket ideas to get men on the Moon.

Golden Girls ...

That's a golden ticket idea, right? How great was that show.

Golden Grahams,

another...

Is it...

I don't get this.

No, you don't.

What will be...

the state of this company if I am the only one

coming up with the great ideas, right?

I think I should call her.

Why is it so bad for me to call

and ask her to lunch today?

You're making it too easy for her.

You're just conveying, "I like you just the way you are."

But I do like her just the way she is.

That's not what we agreed on.

What are you doing? Why don't you go on a date with her?

Try to spark up an ongoing joke,

and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.

You don't have to wait that long.

You don't have to wait a month to ask her out.

Ask her.

You're asking him to give up all of his power.

What power?

Andy, Pam and Jim

are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like.

I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time.

I'm a textbook over-thinker.

You can't let a girl feel good about herself.

It will backfire on you.

Every compliment has to be backhanded.

"I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair."

That's psychotic.

- Do guys actually do that? - Guys with girlfriends don't.

That's low, Tuna.

Hey, Tom.

What's that?

You found a golden ticket. One of my clients found a golden ticket.

No, congratulations.

- Tell me. - I'll take that down.

Was it a spoiled little girl with big lips?

- I'm on the phone. - Or an odd little boy

with a cowboy obsession? Invite them on the tour!

It's Blue Cross from Pennsylvania.

Really?

That's kind of a big client.

How much of a hit...

is 10% of our Blue Cross account?

10%? They're our largest client.

- That's gonna hurt. - Hold on one sec.

Hold on one sec, Tom. What's that?

You found five golden tickets?

And does it say "Limit one per customer"?

Nope, it doesn't.

How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments?

I thought I did.

OK, I'm gonna call

corporate to make sure that they know I didn't lose half my sales.

You didn't. That...

It'll be fine.

It'll be good.

You idiot.

Start over.

Sir,

I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes,

and somehow they all ended up with Blue Cross.

- How does this happen? - Were the boxes near each other?

Irrelevant.

I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week.

They use a lot of paper.

I'm going to ask you something, and I want you to be honest.

What is a pallet?

My golden ticket idea... OK.

Why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea?

There's a one in thirteen chance

that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea.

That...

Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.

Hi, David.

No, I'm sorry.

He's not back from the civil rights rally.

I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial.

When Michael's skirting a phone call,

he gave me a list of places to say he is.

"Stopping a fight in the parking lot." "An Obama fashion show."

Whatever that is.

Or "Trapped in an oil painting."

I'm gonna save that one.

Nobody panic.

The good news is...

- they can't fire all of us, right? - They can.

- No, they can't. - Yes, they can.

You don't know what the hell you're talking about.

What do you think shutting down a branch is?

Then we're screwed!

I am just a net

that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas

and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories

and whimsy, so...

I lost a ton of money today, and I've a mortgage, so I'm pissed, too.

Jim is with me.

Absolutely not. I'm mad at you.

It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam.

That is why carnations exist.

That's not why.

We need a golden ticket idea to get us out of this mess.

Does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later?

Good one.

Don't get that. Please.

I've got a golden ticket idea.

Why don't you skip on up to the roof and jump off?

That is not constructive.

Dunder Mifflin. This is Pam.

Hi, David.

He's having a colonoscopy.

All right, I'll find out if he's out yet.

Hello, David. I just got back from my procedure...

- What the hell is going on ? - How are you doing?

- Fine. What's going on? - My colonoscopy

was an examination of my large colon

and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera.

Why did you okay this golden ticket idea?

We're going to lose a fortune. How could you let this happen?

There is an explanation

that involves me not letting it happen.

And I just don't...