Weeds

Previously on "Weeds"...

Children with their mothers is a good thing.

Finish out your sentence, and at that time,

I'll see what is and is not possible.

Thank you.

Heylia, people love MILF.

I'll supply you.

I have been selling dime bags all night

for $500 a pop.

Stop by the office next week with a business plan.

We'll take a look at it.

Jolene Waite. I'm with the S.E.C. I don't like her.

Any chance I could buy an eighth?

I'm gonna need to smoke up. You got it.

Shane: Who is that?

That's my stepson.

Tell him his dad wants to talk to him.

I have cancer. What?

It's in my pancreas.

You're not old. You're just dying.

I'm an asshole.

Shane: I watched a drug bust.

What the hell did mom have to do with it?

She told Ouellette that my big brother

was involved with Pouncy House.

In order to save me, he had to bust them.

Trust me, Botwin.

She's shittin' her Dolce & Gabbanas right now.

You had him arrested?

It's business.

That's bullshit.

Whose side are you on?

From now on, my own.

Consider me...

...the competition?

Fuck him. Let him go. We don't need him.

Fair warning --

Everything is up for grabs.

Paul, how's my favorite customer in all of Tribeca?

Yeah, uh, did, um, Silas call you yet?

Ike, it's Silas.

We got some really killer stuff coming in this week, man.

Nancy? No. She doesn't work here anymore.

Listen -- we're gonna be changing our phone number.

Personnel issues.

Um...

How's the family?

J.C.! How's my number-one delivery guy?

You're still my number-one delivery guy, right?

Uh, yes! I would love to help you pick out new headshots.

Logan Modeling Agency.

Uh, Kiku, it's Nancy. Hey, girl.

Mulcahey here.

Colm Mulcahey, it's Silas Botwin.

We haven't met yet. Who?

My former partner, Nancy,

had apparently been furnishing you with certain items.

Um, listen. We're gonna be doing a little, uh, restructuring,

and we might be able to use your services.

Frankly, Silas has been acting a little weird lately.

I think she's off her meds,

so if she calls, ignore her, okay?

I'll be taking care of you now.

Wrong number. Wrong number.

Hello?

Shit.

That asshole hasn't returned my calls.

You make one comment about what you'd like to do to someone

if you had them naked and tied up,

and suddenly I'm making them uncomfortable?

You're right.

Um, I think I have a proposal for you.

Interesting.

Uh, can I call you back? H-hold on a second.

Vehement capital.

This is dougbot9000. System error.

Doug, it's Silas.

Name does not compute.

Stop fucking around. It's Silas.

Hello?

I thought you were discreet. Leave me alone.

Our ties are severed.

What's shakin', killer?

Okay, ask yourself this.

How many times has Nancy ditched you over the years,

belittled you, made you feel like

you have absolutely no value as a human?

Oh, Silas from the loft! I'm sorry.

I got another guy on six named Silas.

Or is it Simon?

Uh, hold on, Silas from the loft.

Vaginament Crapital.

Doug, hey, it's Nancy.

Oh, Nance! Nance, we miss you down here.

I got this new girl on my desk.

She's a real see ya next cuntsday.

Uh...Uh, listen.

Silas might be calling you

with some, uh, misleading information.

Mmm, yummy.

But the truth is that I'm still furnishing your building.

So spread the word. Um, still my territory.

Doug?

Doug?

Shit!

Damn it, Doug.

Shirley, I told you I'm not gonna play the fuckin' lotto.

Hey, Botwin.

I didn't know you were coming here today.

Yeah, I wanted to say thanks for Silas.

The bust really scared him. My mom's grateful.

Oh, so that's really good, then.

Yeah. I, uh, wanted to return the favor.

Billy.

Billy: Hey.

Holy fuck. Come in.

How you doing?

Okay.

I'm really glad you came.

You look great.

Hey, hey, you want a soda? Root beer, right?

Sure.

Okay, stay right here, and I'll be right back.

Uh...

All right.

What the fuck was that?!

Look, I told you I'd come and see the guy,

not that I'd sing and dance.

Now, where's that eighth you promised me?

Let me ask you something.

Did he ever hit you, huh? Ow!

Did he ever tell you you're shit?

Fondle your balls? Huh? No!

Then quit acting like a moody emo dickhole!

Mitch may be a self-hating alcoholic mess,

but he loves the crap out of you.

Let him back into your life, or, I swear to God,

I will come to one of your faggoty track meets

and take a bat to your kneecap.

Okay! Okay!

They didn't have root beer, but, uh,

it's a choice between Nestea iced tea

and Pepsi wild cherry.

Um, iced tea's fine.

Thanks...

Dad.

I really missed you, buddy.

I really missed you a lot.

Hold on, mom.

You know what? Let me call you back.

What? You come to gloat?

Laugh at what a gullible idiot I am?

I am so sorry this happened.

For which part?

The fact that my parents had to bail me out of jail

or that I got kicked out of law school?

They kicked you out?

What the fuck did you think they would do --

offer me a T.A. position?

Why did you do it? I didn't.

Your psycho brother was there. It was my mom.

She begged this detective to bust you

to "save me from getting sucked into the life."

Seriously?

Jesus, Silas.

You come from some bad stock, man.

Your whole clan is mega-fucked.

That's...

Why I'm going out on my own.

So what do you want from me?

Your customers.

Why would I give you my customers?

Because I gave you the best orgasm of your life?

Oh, honey.

Because I like you.

Nice to hear, but also not good enough.

Because you hate my mom right now as much as I do.

Oh, um, slightly bluer green,

more sea-foamy.

These four. Make sure they have drivers' licenses.

Oh, good. You're home. We need a coffee run, urgently.

Ask me why I should have been a musician.

Why should you have been a musician?

Because I'm playing that detective like a fiddle.

I just "thanked" him for helping Silas,

distracted him with a bullshit family reunion.

Told you I could handle him.

Good.

So, what's the game plan?

Brand management, gearing up

for an investor meeting later this week.

Does this mean we're gonna get Stevie back soon?

Havens says when my finances improve,

I have a really, really good chance.

Good. I've missed him. I'm the good big brother.

Stop it. Silas is a great big brother.

We're all finished with our detective friend, right?

Yes, mother.

Don't say it like that. It's creepy.

Yes, mother.