The Fortune Cookie

Jim Brown scores for Cleveland.

Groza's kick is good.

And that's the end of the first quarter,

with the score Cleveland Browns ten, Minnesota Vikings seven.

The lights have been turned on here at Municipal Stadium.

We had rain and sleet this morning,

but the field was covered with a tarpaulin

up until game time, so the footing down there is fairly good.

The teams have changed sides now and here comes the kickoff.

Big Viking fullback brought down on the 28-yard line...

Camera two, cover the downfield pass pattern.

Camera four, move down to the line of scrimmage.

He only picked up a half yard,

so now it's fourth down and a kicking situation.

Going in as the deep man for Cleveland, number 27, Walter Roberts,

and number 44, Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson.

So far this season Boom Boom Jackson has averaged

28.7 yards on his punt returns.

He leads the League in that department.

Camera four, move to the 30-yard line and cover the punt.

Hinkle. Are you there, Hinkle?

Yeah. Yeah.

This is Hinkle.

Thirty-yard line. Roger.

How about some coffee out here for us...

With a little antifreeze in it?

This way, Joe.

Looks like Boom Boom Jackson has not only racked up 55 yards

but also one of our cameramen.

Harry. Harry!

I hope it isn't anything serious.

Now, while there's time-out on the field,

let's take a look at the accident again

on the CBS exclusive stop-action camera.

Come on.

Let's play ball.

Okay, let's go.

Red right X double wing 80, double screen-right to the fullback on 3.

Please, Mother, he'll be all right.

You suppose maybe it's something...internal?

How would I know? I'm a lawyer, not a doctor.

Children!

Jeffrey! Ginger! Cut that out. This is a hospital.

Let 'em. If they're gonna break a leg, this is the place to do it.

Ooh! I'm terribly sorry.

All my fault, Sister. I was just trying to...

- I'm his brother-in-law, Sister. - I see.

And this is his mother, Sister. And this is my wife, his sister, Sister.

How do you do?

We were sort of anxious to find out...

I understand, but it'll be a few more minutes.

- Thank you, Sister. - Ahh!

Shut up, Mother.

Poor Harry. He was always so brittle.

Remember when he fell off the garage?

Oh, Mother, not that old story again.

What story?

When they were kids in Toledo, he and Charlotte were playing paratrooper.

She pushed him off the roof.

I didn't push him. He jumped.

And anyway, he had an umbrella. Is it my fault if he forgot to open it?

Did he hurt himself?

Spent two months in bed.

He had a compressed vertebra!

Compressed vertebra, huh?

Hey, Dad, can we have a dime?

What?

- Can we have a dime? - What for?

To put in that box.

It's for unwed mothers.

Unwed mothers, huh? Well, I'm for that.

Harry?

Harry, baby, how do you feel?

It's me, Mama.

And Charlotte is here, and Willie and Ginger and Jeffrey.

Hi, sports fans.

How is he, Doc?

He has a mild concussion.

We've put him under sedation. He'll rest comfortably tonight.

This is Harry Hinkle on camera four.

He doesn't know his own mother.

Doc, any ruptures, broken bones, internal bleeding?

- I don't think so. - You don't think so?

How long you been out of medical school?

Five months.

- That long, huh? - Sir?

Okay, Louie, you pick up the band.

I'll pan with the pom-pom girls.

Let's go.

Wait a minute! Where are you taking him?

To the general ward.

Oh, no, you don't. I want a private room for him, and nurses around the clock.

Nothing is too good for my brother-in-law.

You better check with the admission office.

Don't let's have any of that red tape, Sister.

Take him upstairs.

How about the penthouse suite?

Now you're talkin', Doctor.

- Hello, Uncle Harry. - Hi.

They're not gonna cut him open, are they?

Shut up, Mother.

Charlotte, take her home. Take everybody home.

- Aren't you coming? - No.

- What about dinner? - To hell with it.

I'm not lettin' him out of my sight, not for a minute.

Jeffrey! Ginger! We're on our way.

We wanna skate some more.

You can play at home.

Yeah. Why don't you teach them that paratrooper game?

Cleveland Plain Dealer? Give me the city desk.

Hello. This is William H. Gingrich, attorney-at-law.

I represent Harry Hinkle.

The cameraman who was hurt at the game today?

Yes. Well, this may be of some interest to you.

I'm suing CBS, the Cleveland Browns,

and the Municipal Stadium for one million dollars.

That's right, a million dollars.

Hinkle. H-I-N-K-L-E. St. Mark's Hospital.

He's very serious, and so am I.

Mr. Hinkle's room, what's the number?

Sorry. It's not visiting hours.

I thought maybe you could make an exception.

You see, I'm the guy that...

Oh, you're Mr. Jackson, aren't you?

Can I ask you something?

Sure.

What do you think our chances are against the Philadelphia Eagles?

Because Sister Veronica wants 13 points.

- You bet around here? - Certainly.

I already owe her a Coke from last week.

Well, I can't say anything. It's against League regulations.

I could be suspended.

I understand. He's in 403, right down the corridor.

Thank you.

Give her 12 1/2 points.

- Yes? - This is Mr. Hinkle's room?

That's right.

How is he?

I called a couple times last night,

but they wouldn't give me any information.

I wouldn't know about his condition. He's still asleep.

Oh.

I guess I better wait outside.

You do that.

How about that guy?

Got some nerve showing up here.

You wouldn't have a razor on you, would you?

Whatever happened to all those beautiful nurses you see on television?

Would you mind leaving us alone for a little while?

I'd be delighted.

Morning, Harry.

How... How did I get here?

By stretcher and ambulance.

Oh, my head. What did they give me?

Whole gang of sleeping pills.

- Where's the can? - Forget it. You can't get out of bed.

What... I can't... Who says?

Hate to break it to you, kid, but you got a spinal injury.

- What? - Your left leg is numb,

and you got no feeling in the first three fingers of your right hand.

You're crazy. I can move my hand and my leg.

Sure you can, if you wanna blow a million bucks.

What are you talking about?

That's what we're suing for.

They'll offer us $100,000. We settle for a quarter of a million.

I gotta go to the can.

Stay where you are. I'll bring it to you.

What are you tryin' to pull? I'm perfectly all right.

One thing I hate is a patient who makes his own diagnosis.

This is ridiculous. There's nothin' wrong with me.

That's what you think.

Not only can't you move your hand and your leg,

but you had this concussion, so now you've got a ringing in your ears and double vision.

- Double vision. - How many of me do you see?

One. One cheap, chiseling, shyster lawyer

who, of all people, had to marry my sister.

Nice talk. I'm handing you a quarter of a million dollars on a silver platter.

Don't want the money. Don't want the silver platter. I just...

What's the matter? You feel sorry for insurance companies?

They got so much money they don't know what to do with it.

They've run out of storage space. They have to microfilm it.

What's a quarter of a million to them?

They take it out of petty cash.

So don't give me with the scruples.

What is it?

The nurse said he was awake.

Look, pal, can't you read? We got a sick man here.

How sick is he? Nobody will tell me anything.

Why don't you just leave the flowers? I'll give 'em to him.

No, thanks. Maybe I could see him later?

Yeah.

They put you in these things just to humiliate you.

Shh.

- All right, where are my clothes? - Why?

I'm checkin' outta here.

Checkin' out? Where do you think you are, in a Hilton Hotel?

You're not registered here, you're booked here.

You've got a number on your wrist.

What do I need? A reprieve from the governor?

No, a discharge from the doctor. Now, get back in bed.