The IT Crowd

So, how much are you asking for?

Oh, nothing, just take whatever you want.

I don't want to start cluttering up the place with old stuff, you know?

That's what this new place is about, I want to totally reinvent myself.

From this moment on, everything is going to be different.

Hello, IT, have you tried turning it off and on again?

- I did it! I did it! I've been accepted! - No!

What's going on?

I've been accepted! I applied, they said yes!

Who said yes? What are you talking about...

Moss, you're shaking!

Consonant, please.

B...

And a vowel, please.

And lastly, A.

And here's the Countdown clock.

All right, let's see what we've got. Jeremy?

Six.

And Maurice?

And Maurice? Nine.

Jeremy, what's your six?

TENANT

And Maurice?

It actually already is a word... TNETENNBA.

Good heavens, really? Could you use it in a sentence for us?

Good morning, that's a nice TNETENNBA.

Someone reminded me, you haven't yet got a word less than eight letters.

It's extraordinary.

You really do look like you're on your way

to winning that Countdown teapot.

No offence, Jeremy.

- Who are you?! - Want me to do your windows?

What?! What?! I can't understand you.

There we are, mate.

No! No, no!

Stop cleaning my windows!

I want to go to the toilet.

I don't know what you're saying.

I did the window there and the...

Yes, yes. Okey-dokey. I can't understand what you're saying.

Can I leave my bike for a few minutes?

Okay, then. All right, bye-bye.

What are you doing?

Why are you bringing the bike inside? What? No! Where are you going?!

Where are you going?

Why do I have your bike?

And, then, when he leaves, he just leaves all of his stuff in my flat.

What stuff?

All his window cleaning bollocks,

the ladder, bike, everything. It's still there!

What, in your flat?

Yeah. He never came back.

Yeah. He never came back. How did he even get in?

Well, he was very persuasive.

I think. Well, I don't know how to get in touch with this guy.

His stuff is cluttering up my hallway. I've had to start putting these up.

My mum always says, you should never open the door.

What do you mean?

An unopened door is a happy door.

So we never answer ours when someone knocks.

What, so you all just sit there?

Yes.

So the doorbell goes and you all just sit there...

until the person goes away?

Yes.

What if it's important? What if it's good news?

This is London, Jen. It's not someone with cake!

Unless that cake is made of dog poo and knives!

Laters. I'm going to zone out at the heads of department meeting.

I thought you were trying to avoid those.

There's only so many times I can say there's a RAM emergency.

Hello?

Yes?

Hello. Can I come in?

Why? What?

Why do you want to come in?

Isn't this the heads of department meeting?

Every Monday and Friday? Or has it changed?

No, no, yes, it is. You've missed a few though, haven't you?

Yeah, there was a RAM emergency.

The...office had too much RAM.

Okay, well you see the nature of the meetings has changed somewhat

and it wouldn't be fair on you. There'd be a lot of catching up.

Oh, okay!

Okay! Thanks, Jen!

They don't want me. They don't want me at the Monday-Friday!

I thought you hated those meetings?

I did hate those meetings until they didn't want me at those meetings.

And now I love those meetings.

Five minutes, Mr Moss.

Thanks, Phil.

A fan of tiny biscuits.

You are full of surprises.

Please, don't let me stop you.

I like a man with appetite.

It's what got you this far.

Sorry, do I know you?

They call me Prime.

I had another name, once.

I no longer go by it. Harold Tong.

That's right.

I won year 16 of Countdown.

Yes, it was I who won the 16th Countdown teapot.

The teapot we all crave.

You crave it too.

Your eyes betray you.

He has spirit, this one.

But do you have the spirit to become an ultimate champion, I wonder?

Do you want to get a photo together or something?

I came only to give you this.

What is it?

Roy?

Jesus! Alistair, hey!

Long time no see!

Yeah.

Roy and I were at college together.

Yeah. Wow, you are looking great!

Thanks.

So what are you up to these days?

What am I up to? Wow. Big question.

I'm the head writer for Shotgun games? Do you know them?

Yeah! Wow! Really?

I play Shotgun games all the time. They're brilliant.

Oh, thank you.

Wow, that is so cool. Hey, you just won an award, right?

Yes.

Well, see you soon, Roy.

Yes.

Don't ask me what I'm doing, you arrogant twat.

Sorry, I'm not sure I'm in the right place.

Oh, you're in the right place, Mr Moss. Welcome to Eight Plus.

You came! I'm glad.

That's Roger Black. That's Steven Pawlin.

You know your ex-Countdown winners.

Why are they all here?

Why, for someone who knows how to add and subtract and multiply

and divide lots of numbers to get one other number,

you're not so good at putting two and two together, are you?

This is Eight Plus!

An exclusive club for those gifted few

who make it through to eight episodes of Countdown.

And you are our newest member.

Oh, isn't that nice?

Thanks for letting me know. All right. All right. Bye.

Does it not outrage you, Roy, as a member of this IT department,

that I, your head, is not being represented at the Monday-Friday?

Couldn't give a shit. My neighbour just called.

Turns out that window-washing Willie from West Gibberish is not now going

to be able to pick up his window cleaning bric-a-brac.

Why not?

Oh, he was hit by a car or something. Just my luck!

You shouldn't have agreed to mind it for him in the first place.

Thanks, Jen. That's really helpful. That's really good advice.

That's exactly what I'll do. In the past!

When it happens again, last week. I have to give it back to him!

It can't just live in my hallway!

Don't give a shit!

No, no.

Oh, no! No! No!

Alistair! I'm not a window cleaner!

Alistair!

Alistair! I'm not a window cleaner.

I'm not a window cleaner! Alistair!

I'm not a window cleaner!

All right, something weird is going on in that room.

They're wearing dressing gowns.

Roy, will you listen to me?

I don't have to listen to you. I'm not married to you.

I've got a lot on my mind right now, Jen.

This bloke thinks I'm a window cleaner.

Bloke I went to college with.

He's doing amazingly... The creature he was with.

And he thinks that I am a window cleaner. A window cleaner!

What's wrong with that? It's a noble profession.

If your last profession was cleaning balls!

Google him.

I've tried. He has no online presence.

Apparently people were being rude to him so he suspended all his accounts.

He's not on Friendface, he's not on Chitter.

Listen...

How do people expect you to track them down