Atropia

Come on. Drop, drop.

Drop. Drop! Drop.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's empty.

The truck is empty.

All right, let's play a little game.

Who's truck is this?

I know you know.

I'm talking to you.

Whose fucking truck is this?

Relax.

-Calm down. -Fuck!

Hey, fuck, man.

Put the fucking gun down.

Where is the owner of this truck?

If you want to know so bad, then clear the truck.

Clear the fucking truck, dude.

Oh, fuck!

Get out of here! Go! Go, go, go!

-Now what? -Attention!

Halt all activity.

One of our IEDs did not detonate.

Clear this area.

We will be running a test.

Bravo, Hollywood.

Bye.

You are good.

You have to get out of here.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Yeah, what fuck?

What the fuck?

I can't work like this.

This is bullshit, and you know it.

You fucking know it.

I mean, you got one over here--

-That one went off? -Yes.

So the fuck what?

This was the fucking plan.

Fucking donkey!

Feel good?

No, I'm not good.

I'm pissed off!

Control confirmed.

What's up with the donkey bomb?

I don't know. I pressed it.

Let's run a test.

All right, everybody.

Let's reset and try it again.

Testing donkey bomb in 3, 2--

Hee-haw!

OK.

Welcome to the world's most sophisticated urban warfare

simulation, Fort Irwin.

Or, as we like to call it, The Box.

In the ongoing mission to keep America strong and free,

The Box was designed to give our brave men and women the tools

to fight and win anytime, anywhere.

Here you will be tested in a vast,

immersive training area spanning 600,000 acres of the California

desert.

What sets us apart is our proximity

to Hollywood, which means we've got the best in the business.

TV and movie special effects artists

create realistic battlefield scenarios

like the ones you will experience

when deployed to Iraq.

Smoke, sound, and smell add the highest level of realism

to simulate the fog of war.

And the towns have been populated

with civilian role players, some of whom are even Iraqi.

So get ready.

You are about to be deployed to Atropia.

Your area of operation will be--

When you enter the box, you will be in a 24/7 live play scenario.

These enemies have embraced a cult of death.

We must go on the offense, stay on the offense,

and take the fight to them.

If you're successful here, you'll

be better equipped to win the war on terror over there.

And one important message before you go--

While in Atropia, you may come across the endangered California

desert tortoise.

Do not touch, move, or approach the desert tortoise.

All activity will halt until the tortoise can be properly moved

by a wildlife expert.

If you do not follow the protocol, you will be penalized.

Good luck out there, and God bless America.

All electronics in the bucket--

precious cell phones, MP3 players.

For the next three weeks, you will be incommunicado.

The thing about California is she can play

any part you want her to play.

Tomorrow, she will be playing Iraq.

It will take us two hours to enter The Box

and to reach the town of Medina Wasl.

But it will feel like a world away from anything

you have ever known.

When you arrive in the town, the villagers

will be neutral about your presence.

The more you screw up, the more difficult

they will be to control.

There will be a gang of insurgents wreaking havoc

on the area.

These guys are your enemy.

And just a little reminder that these insurgents

will be played by some of our best vets, most of them

freshly back from tours in Iraq.

So they will know first hand all the fucked up

ways you will be tested when deployed.

This is your last stop before heading out to Iraq.

So train like you fight.

Embrace the suck.

Gear up.

Full battle rattle.

Oorah! Oorah!

-Excuse me. -Oh, Nancy.

This is Nancy, our mock journalist.

And you are absolute Neanderthals.

Nancy is here to play your embed.

She can sleep in bed with me.

Nancy is here to help you learn what

it's like to be traveling with a journalist.

You will see to her safety, but be

careful not to disclose any information

that you would not want to see on the nightly news.

-Any questions? -

Ho-ho-ho!

Gentlemen, say hello to Private iPod.

H. My name is Fayruz Abbas.

I'm 5' 4" and a half, and I'm based in Barstow, California.

I will be reading for the role of Reem.

Hassan, can you hear that?

Gunshots! I--

Look at these fucking Fobbits.

They really put the "infant" in "infantry."

You should see the squad coming in.

Half of them haven't graduated high school.

And they're all pissing hot.

They need them all for the surge.

Warm bodies.

That's all W wants now, warm bodies.

You see the new head of insurgents?

He's going full Alibaba.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

All right, guys, I got new character assignments

that need to be delivered to the role players, stat.

Pyro is on the move to assess donkey situation.

What does your new role sheet say?

What?

It says "Atropian DVD seller who is desperate to be liberated

by the Americans."

Mine says "anti-American mustard gas chemist."

It's because I take this seriously.

I mean, how many times do we talk about this?

You really need to get into your backstory.

Well, it's our job to make this place authentic.

I mean, just think about the work I've done with Gloria.

Gloria, hey.

Come here.

Let's show Noor what we've been working on, huh?

Do you remember the memory?

Ooh.

Think about your dad.

I--

Think about him lying there in that pool of blood.

-Ay, papi. -Oh, papi.

-Papacito. -

Oh, papacito.

Ay, papi!

Ay, papacito.

No, no, no!

Yes, yes.

OK, easy does it.

Easy, easy.

Now, go. Go. Go.

- -I'm sorry.

Gloria, that was beautiful.

-Beautiful? -So good.

But you're a professional, right?

-I'm a professional. -Shake it off.

Just let it go.

There you go, huh?

I promise you, it works.

I mean, all you have to do is think about the trauma that