Candy Corn

No, see, that's what I'm saying.

We don't need to drive out to the middle of nowhere.

The big ogre got a job at the freak show this year.

So you just want to do this out in public?

I don't know, man.

Why don't we just do it at his house like we always do?

Yeah, I'm with Steve on this one.

I mean, I don't think it's worth spending a night in jail over.

No, we're not going to do it in the fucking Midway,

and we're not going to do it at his shit-hole of a house.

We've done that too many times.

This year, it's going to be bigger and better.

I've already scoped it all out.

We're going to wait for him back behind their trailers.

When he gets there, we'll rough him up, strip him down,

and then let him run down the midway

in his shit-stained underwear like the freak show faggot that he is.

Everyone'll get a few laughs, he'll run home to mommy,

and we'll be back to Steve's house in time

to celebrate another successful Halloween.

You guys are unreal.

Aren't you a little old to be fucking with that kid?

I mean, you know he's not all there, right?

Can't we just go back to your place

and find something a little more productive to do?

No.

This is tradition.

We've been doing this since we were kids and we're not stopping now.

But why, Mike?

Because, Carol...

...it's fun and it's easy.

I'll be in the car.

You better not pussy out on us, Steve.

Don't worry, man. She'll be fine.

We're not going to miss this.

You cool?

Yeah, sure.

Okay, let's get the fuck out of here.

I'll catch up with you guys later.

Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you!

Why don't you call your sister

and the three of us can do this thing together?

I'm out of here in an hour, I can pick her up.

Oh, you're killing me, man!

Alright, then.

Let me know.

You know where to find me.

Well, lookey here.

You fellas off to find some trouble or what?

Oh, just the usual Halloween hazing.

Oh, now that's what I'm talking about.

Details, details.

I don't think so.

We just need to get that stuff you owe us.

Ah, come on, let me in on some of this action.

I'm dying in this place.

Okay.

Okay, well, how about I don't have "the stuff", pal?

Did you ever think about that?

Fuck off, man, come on.

Look, guys, I don't ask for anything.

You know that.

Just do me this one solid.

Let me come with you tonight, would you?

I need this.

You double it, I'm not paying shit, and you're driving.

Shit yeah, that's a deal, my man.

We meet back here at 7:00.

Right on, fellas. I got ya.

Oh, hells yeah.

Back in business, baby.

This place is disgusting.

I can't believe these freaks actually pay for this stuff.

Yeah.

This place definitely gives me the creeps.

Steve, do we really need to do this?

I have a bad feeling about it.

Come on, Carol.

There's nothing to worry about, okay?

Let's go.

Jacob, you're late!

What did I tell you, boy?

You're lucky the stakes aren't as high this weekend,

but if I'm going to take you on the road with us,

you've got to get your shit together!

Jacob...

...come here, big guy.

Now, you know I wouldn't put you in any situation

I wouldn't put myself in, right?

You are one of us now.

Don't you forget that, okay?

Now, go on.

Let's give these freaks a show!

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome to the stage,

your host of the evening,

the world famous Dr. Death!

Ladies and gentlemen, boils and ghouls!

Welcome to the grisliest show on earth...

...Dr. Death's Sideshow Spook House Spectacular!

I am your host, Dr. Death,

and I just need to know one thing from you

before we get started...

...are you ready to scream!?

Hey, fella,

you wouldn't happen to know where I could find a little action, would you?

Hey, big guy, Happy Halloween.

The freak at the freak show, how perfect.

Oh, don't worry, man, we're not going to hurt you.

We just want to make sure everybody gets all the freak

they can handle tonight.

But it looks like you got a head start on us.

Hey, chill out, man.

Well, it looks like the freak grew some balls this year.

Listen here, you inbred, toothless fuck.

We just came here to have a little fun,

but if you're going to go and get all tough guy on us,

that could change our plans real fast.

Jacob.

Jacob, wake up.

Ahh...

Get him inside!

Quickly!

Motherfucker had it coming to him.

Yeah.

It's not like we went there to hurt him.

He threw the first punch.

That's right, it was self-defense.

Self-defense?

Are you fucking kidding me?

- Carol, calm down. - No, fuck you, Steve!

Fuck all of you!

Where are you going?

I'm walking home.

For thou who puts the hopeless soul too soon unto the underworld,

cast your eyes once at this sign.

Your teeth and bones, they shall be mine.

For thou who sleeps in stone and clay...

...heed this call!

Rise and obey!

Pass again through the mortal door.

Come to thou and walk once more.

¶ Give me that old time religion. ¶

¶ It's good enough for me. ¶

¶ Well, it was good for Paul and Silas. ¶

¶ It was good for Paul and Silas. ¶

¶ It's good enough for me. ¶

¶ Give me that old time religion. ¶

¶ Give me that old time religion. ¶

¶ It's good enough for me. ¶

Dispatch to Sheriff Bramford.

Yeah, Marcy, go ahead.

Sam, Mrs. Hoffstat called twice since you left.

Copy that, dispatch, I'm driving down lovely Ms. Hoffstat's road

as we speak, and I do not see a single case of lewd conduct.

Not a one.

We certainly appreciate your bravery,

big, strong Sheriff Bramford.

You know what, Marcy, I like it when you get jealous like this,

but let's face it, there's--

Sam?

I just saw your sneaky ass.

Now show yourself.

Sam, do you copy?

Yeah, I'm here, go ahead.

Thank God. You know I hate it when you do that.

I'm sorry, Marcy, everything's fine.

Well, I wouldn't get ahead of yourself there, Sam.

You need to get down here right away.

We have a situation.

Okay, on my way.

Sheriff Bramford,

Miss Sapirstein has something she would like to talk to you about.

Hey, Carol. What's wrong?

Is it Mike?

Go ahead, honey.

Tell him what you told me.

No. I mean, not really.

Look, I don't know what I'm doing here,

I just didn't know who else to go, and my dad's out of town...

It's fine. Just breathe, and tell me what's going on.

A few of us went to the carnival last night.

They didn't mean for things to get so crazy.

They were just messing around.

Did someone get hurt?

Yes.

That kid, Jacob Atkins.

They play some stupid prank on him every year,

and, last night, he hit Mike and they all attacked him.

I should have told someone sooner.

I just didn't know what to do.

I was just scared.

And then Bobby called me last night, and...

That's fine. What did Bobby say?

He said he thinks they might have killed him.

Well, first off, nobody reported anything about this.

And I can assure you, I'd be the first person to know

if there was a murder in town.

That's true.

Now, what the boys did, on the other hand,