Welcome to Flatch

So this is, like, where the South County bus stops.

Yeah, one time I saw this kid get off

with a ferret on a leash.

Yeah, and the guy who drives the bus, Mr. Fargas,

he used to be my soccer coach,

and he said that I wasn't gonna amount to anything,

that I was ill-behaved, and that I ran weird.

Yeah, but then soccer and art got canceled at our school,

and now Fargas is driving a bus,

so, you know, who's the loser now, Farg?

Here it comes!

Go, go, go, go!

Be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.

Ah, yes!

Yes! Oh, my God! He's gonna get us!

Run! Take that, Fargas!

Oh, my God!

So Shrub's actually not just my cousin.

- He's also my best friend. - Yeah.

Tell 'em why.

Uh, he's the only person I can share

- a bucket of Munchkins with. - Bingo.

Don't take a chocolate. I'm not.

So I like the chocolate ones.

I love the butternut ones, but I hate the cinnamon ones,

and Shrub inhales those.

And, like, it's, like, not, 'cause I love

the cinnamon ones so much. I just feel sorry for 'em.

Yeah.

'Cause they're always left.

I like the underdog.

Well, the church moved me here

about eight months ago from Minneapolis, yeah.

Bit of a change, you know. Big responsibility.

But I've really grown fond of the people here.

Shrub and Kelly, um...

Look, it's not easy

being a young adult these days.

These kids, they need guidance.

This is my bike!

I'm normally "Reverend," but they call me Father Joe.

Sometimes I feel like their dad...

proud, concerned.

Father Joe, why don't you, uh, ?

But anyway, they're--they're making great progress.

And they've gotten a lot better in their cursing too.

I think this week we had two s.

I'm sorry.

Are you the crew that's filming that movie about us?

Ah, man, come on, all right, okay.

So where--where you staying?

Don't tell me it's Norma's B&B

because I'ma tell you right now,

the Bs stand for "bedbugs,"

and the Norma stands for "not normal at all."

I don't want you getting

the wrong impression of Flatch.

We are an upstanding town,

and we deserve some damn attention.

We got two restaurants, one with menus,

and last year, someone gave birth to twins.

So now we got young people all over the place.

The young people are our future.

You know?

Hey, Mandy.

Not them though.

Walking disappointments.

Yes, Flatch does have some colorful characters,

but, you know, it's part of its charm.

I'll miss you, Father!

You guys, we're-- we're filming, here.

The Scarecrow Festival is pretty much, like,

the biggest and best day of the year.

People make scarecrows,

they put them up all over town,

and everyone votes for which one's best.

And you are looking at the winner.

Like, I have a killer design and a prime location this year

right on the green.

Like, that guy with that spot last year won the whole thing,

and his was pretty much, like,

some frickin' used clothes and twine.

Winner gets a hot air balloon ride.

Yeah, and you're on the front page

- of the "Flatch Patriot." - It's so dumb.

Oh, and you throwing a frying pan in the air isn't?

"A," the skillet toss takes real skill.

B, there's a trophy.

Fine, I will take my nan on the balloon.

I don't care.

She doesn't even like heights, and you know that.

I'm about to be in the mile high club

with my grandma while you're on the ground,

crying like a little baby.

I haven't cried since last year, and you know that!

Well, a skillet toss is where you take

a 5-pound pan, bigger than this one, okay,

and you chuck it as far as you possibly can.

I think it came from, like, when the pioneer ladies

would throw things at their kids.

Wait, or the Indians? I don't kn--look it up.

You can look it up.

My dad won it seven years in a row

till he blew his knee out.

Really opened up the field.

My dad and I are super close, so...

time to get the gold skillet

back to the Mallet family where it belongs.

Okay, so, like, most people,

they just, like, free-form the whole body.

That's, like--that's amateur if you ask me.

Like, I actually make sure that my scarecrow

has the correct ratio of arm length to head span.

Also, real shoes.

This is what we call a crowd-pleaser.

See, I don't like crowds. I'm not safe in them.

I have a lot of enemies just like my dad, right?

That's why I have my gang to protect me.

Kelly has this group of seventh-grade kids

she hangs out with, and this, like,

freakishly big one from fifth.

Okay, all I want is it to look like it's chairs in a circle

and everything else cleared out.

Does that make sense?

And let's just get better at knowing my needs a little bit.

So his real name's actually Lloyd.

Yeah, after my dad.

Yeah, his dad drank a lot of Busch beer,

so they started calling him Busch.

Yeah, and so they started calling me Shrub,

for, like, a little bush.

But, like, he left when I was a baby, so...

Yeah, but I bet he still drinks beer.

Yeah.

Hey! Screw you too!

Hey, Big Mandy. What's goin' on?

You know that blind guy that lives up the road?

- Blind Billy? - Just walked right into me.

Almost knocked off Colin's scare 'fro.

You doin' the scarecrow contest?

No skillet toss?

Of course I'm doin' the skillet toss.

Okay.

Big Mandy's a lot.

Who's a lot?

B--Blind Billy. Yeah, he is.

- Seriously, such a weirdo. - So...

Who's a weirdo?

Sh--Shrub.

Yeah, no kiddin'.

Crazy. What?

That's...

Damn right, I am!

She has good hearing.

This is one of the things

that I love about Flatch.

They are really into their festivals.

This guy! This guy's a legend!

Okay, simmer down, guys.

- Legend in the hizz-ouse! - Bad touch, don't do that.

Tell them about the time when we drank

all the cherry wine coolers!

Yeah, he had to take us to get our stomachs pumped!

- Yeah, that wasn't funny. - Oh, but it was!

- It was very scary. - He loves golf.

I do. I do enjoy golf.

Yes, and Chris Pine. He pines for the Pine!

I don't. That's not--

- yeah, you do! - Oh, yes you do!

Kelly, another dollar in the church box.

- Hi, Joe. - Cheryl.

Cheryl, legend!

And they used to date.

Oh, uh, I moved here with Joe when he got the job.

Uh, I was a reporter at the "Star Tribune."

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, then he dumped me.

He said he needed space to focus on the church,

and you can't compete with God.

Yeah, I thought I'd move back to the city after,

but, I don't know; this place kind of grew on me,

you know?

And besides, if I hadn't moved to Flatch,

I never would have become the editor

of the "Flatch Patriot," which has a circulation of 535--

and rising.

So it all worked out, you know?

Joe got God, and, uh, apparently Tinder.

And, um, you know, I got my own newspaper.

How cool is that?

We're not allowed to bounce anymore.

It's a long story.

- His fault. - Yeah.

Hey, that's my dad!

- Dad! - Ugh.

- Hey. - How have you been, Dad?

Oh, you know, changing diapers,

busy with the baby.

- Guess what. - What?

I'm doin' the skillet toss. Gonna win it back for us.