Family Guy

it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on tv

but where are those good old-fashioned values.

on which we used to rely?

lucky there's a family guy

lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that

make us laugh and cry he's A Family Guy!

Created By Khaled-Klz.

Hi, chris

How'd you do on your science test?

I got a "d.

A "d? That's fantastic!

Just kiddin'. I know it means you suck.

Come here, you delightful idiot.

Another "d, chris?

I'm sorry, mom, but science is so hard.

Well, maybe you just need a little extra help.

Dad, would you help me with my homework?

Uh, chris, I've got to tell you,

that sounds worse Than a trip to a failing mall.

All right, kids your mom is Going to go to the cinnabon

that has the cage Pulled halfway down,

and I'm going to go To the stereo store next

to the dead fountain with garbage in it.

Let's say we meet back here under the glue outline

Of the old limited sign.

Well, it doesn't matter anyway.

Every time I try to study, the evil monkey

Comes out of my closet and scares me.

Oh, for god's sake, chris, you're in high school now.

Stop talking about that evil monkey.

- He's not real. - He is too real!

I can prove it!

Well, you'll have to do a better job

Than you did on your science test.

Or than god did when he left the iron

On ellen barkin's face too long.

- Oh, damn. - How is it?

You know what? We'll put you in the '80s.

You'll pass for hot.

Now get in the van with kelly mcgillis.

Next stop: Hollywood!

Tv announcer:Up next, the hannah montana marathon.

Yes!

And for all you fans, The miley cyrus tour is coming

to the quahog civic center For three nights only.

Call to get your tickets now!

Oh! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

But not now, 'cause it just sold out.

What? Oh, no! No! No, no! No!

I'm calling anyway!

I need hannah montana tickets and I need them now!

Never mind who this is! Can you get them or not?

I guess I should dial something first.

What's all the noise? What are you watching?

Sorry, but you know the rules.

Hannah can't do the photo shoot Until miley finishes her homework.

You can't tell hannah what to do.

She's not your daughter.

Wait, so miley's my daughter, but hannah isn't?

- Right. - Great.

Put your wig on.

Shut up! This is real.

Ha! You're watching hannah montana?

Well, yeah. To make fun of it.

I mean, look how stupid she is with her clothes And her makeup

and, and-and, and, And that fabulous hair

and, oh, my god! Brian, it's my favorite show!

It's my favorite show ever!

- Gay. - And she's coming to town,

And I have to get tickets, brian.

You have to help me get tickets!

No, It's a stupid show and a huge waste of time.

But... She's my favorite.

Oh, my god, are you... Are you crying?

Yes! Hannah montana is my hero!

I love her so, so much. And this is the only time

she's gonna be in town And now I'll never get to see her!

Will you help me?

all right, fine.

Hey, chris. You want to practice kissing again?

I'm busy. I set up a video camera,

last night so I can prove To mom and dad that,

the evil monkey is real, And I want to see what I got.

Huh. Nothin'.

All right, it's time to play rough.

I got you, you bastard!

Well, here he is. The evil monkey!

Do you believe me now?

- Holy crap! - It is real!

Oh, my god! I thought I was the only one.

Meg, we're do.. we're doin'... We're doin'

chris' monkey.

Oh, my god, chris was right!

Holy crap, chris, is that thing dangerous?

- Yes, he's evil! - I'm not really evil.

it talks!

If..if someone will please untie me,

I'll explain everything.

No, dad, don't do it! He's evil!

Look, just trust me. This is all a huge misunderstanding.

Chris, I think we should give him a chance

to explain himself.

No!

thank you very much.

Now, I know this looks bad, Me living in your son's closet and all,

But it's a very complex situation.

You see, basically, I got home from work one day,

And found my wife cheating on me with another monkey.

Oh, that's terrible.

I fell into a deep depression after the divorce,

Which ended up costing me my job.

All my money was gone, which means I lost the house.

So, I moved into chris' closet,

Just until I got back on my feet again.

Wound up living in there for nine years.

Oh, my god, you've missed so much!

Like when america was attacked,

By mentally challenged suicide bombers.

Allahu akbar!

You know something?

You're not evil at all, are you?

No, he's not. He's just a poor fellow

who's down on his luck.

Easy for you to say!

He doesn't hide in your closet making a scary face!

That's just the face I make when I'm thinking.

And you're always pointing at me!

I was trying to start a conversation.

And you do that weird trembling thing!

I have a copper deficiency. Look, chris, I'm sorry.

if I scared you before, But this is a great chance,

for us to start over.

No, it isn't!

You can fool everyone else, but you can't fool me!

You go to hell!

Okay, now remember to play it cool.

Act like you belong here.

Oh, my god, miley! I love you! I love you!

I love you! I'm your biggest fan!

Can I touch your hair?

Who are you guys?

How did you get back here?

Look, I'm really sorry about this.

This is my friend stewie. H-he's just a baby and,

he's your biggest fan and... He has cancer.

Oh, my god! Really?

Yeah, he's got a tumor in his head

The size of a football.

I think I can see it. Well, in that case,

I wouldn't feel right about throwing you out.

Especially if you're my biggest fan.

I mean, sarah silverman is just one of the most,

Wonderful people you'll ever meet.

Oh, that's so good to hear.

I want to like her. She's so funny.

I want her to also be nice.

Well, I'm glad you guys are having such a great time

With that evil thing that tortured me for years!

Dad, I thought you were going to help me,

with my book report.

Chris, there is a monkey here.

And I just fed him a whole bag of subway sandwiches.

In a couple hours, we are going to sit around

And throw his soft bread stool at each other.

Now, you are welcome to be a part of that.

Or not, I'm just telling you what's gonna happen.

Well, thanks for nothing, dad!

Don't mind him, monkey. He's just a big disappointment.

Like things that look like dvds from far away.

Dvds!

Aw, books.

Ah... That feels so good. You are an artist.

Thank you.

Lois doesn't like my toenails 'cause they stab her in the night.

Hear that, lois?

Somebody likes my toenails.

Good for you, peter.

Good for this family. Good for all of us.

Mom! Dad! I got an "a. on my book report!

- That's wonderful, honey! - Congratulations, chris.

What'd you write about?

I, um...

"the slave trade allegory of curious george."

W-wait a minute, I didn't.. I didn't write this.

Oh, really?

Did... Did you write this?

Well, I can't take all the credit.

I've been listening to you talk in your sleep for years,

So I just put your thoughts on paper, that's all.

Wow, that's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

Thanks, evil monk.. thanks, monkey.

Ah, I'd get up to hug you, but sittin' down's,

The only thing keepin' the poop in.

Nah, that's okay.

I can't believe I'm sitting here,

With you, miley cyrus.