New Girl

There he is.

Mr. New York. Mr. Broadway.

Happy last day.

- I made you this. - Aw.

It's a bunch of pictures of you.

Well, I had to take the necessary precautions,

because the last time you left, you forgot who I was.

You called me Jebecca.

Well, thank you so much, Jess. I really like it.

- Cool. - Yeah.

Well, that's a kick in the shins.

Look, nothing personal, but, you know, I've moved a lot,

so I have this system that I use.

Duffel bag full of essentials only.

And... one Jess cube.

You can't get rid of me.

Look, Jess, when I move, I make a clean break, okay?

I'm not going to get all sentimental.

And you promised you wouldn't make a big deal.

No, you're right, you're right. I promised you I wouldn't.

- You did. - But...

what about everyone else?

Showtime!

Hit it, Schmidt!

Huh?

Oh.

Nick, where's your Donald Trump wig?

- It's here. - Ugh.

This was not my vision.

I specifically said "dazzle."

You said "razzle-dazzle," and we said,

"We don't want to do that."

Yeah, we told you this is not what he would want.

This isn't how men say good-bye.

Live from New York, it's Coach's good-bye!

Yeah, show's over.

We ain't doing this?

S04E22 Clean Break

The system works.

Remember, essentials only.

It's not just for packing; It's a way of life.

You want to move forward, you got to get rid of the past.

That means throw out all your junk...

- Right... - Emotional junk, actual junk.

Got to make a clean break.

Clean break. That's right.

You're blowing my mind right now, Coach.

- Doesn't even mean anything. - Or does it mean everything?

I cannot believe you're

all buying into Coach's crazy system.

You guys have fun with your clean break.

I'm gonna go to my room, and I guess

I'll have to cancel the horse and carriage

that I hired to take you to the airport.

May and I are driving.

You are now.

You guys sure you're up for this?

I am ready for this. I'm single again.

I'm a new man. I'm leaving the past behind.

I want to get rid of my stuff,

but all my stuff is really, really good,

and I just can't get rid of it.

It's not, and you have to.

Everything you own is trash.

You're basically a hoarder.

Not true.

Everything has meaning.

Everything is connected to something else.

You need to be hard on yourself, okay?

- Now, take this box and fill it up. - Okay...

- Think I can do it? - Absolutely.

Okay. I'm gonna get hard and fix myself.

- What? - That's not... No.

That's... I didn't... No.

Oh, here we go.

The Regis Philbin crepe pan.

Come on, Coach. You can't give this away.

Remember February 2014?

Or, as we like to call it,

- Crepe History Month. - Crepe History Month.

It was a hot winter's night.

We were drunk, but our judgment was on point.

You hear that sizzle?

Let that sizzle speak!

Those pancakes are paper-thin.

There's only three left, so act fast.

This crepe pan... is a knockout!

- Coach, we got to act fast. - We got to act fast.

- We got to act fast! - They're so thin!

You got to take the Rege, at least for the memories.

- The Rege, man. - The Rege!

- You know, I can't get rid of the Rege. - Can't get rid of the...

Psych!

I'm getting rid of the Rege.

Memories are nonessential, all right?

That's what makes the system work.

I found an ant farm full of candy wrappers.

Is this essential?

Like, really, what do you think?

Hmm? I need you to get harder, Nick.

Can you get harder for me?

- What? - Do you need me to get hard with you?

I feel like you're not...

meaning to say what you're saying.

Talking about cleaning up.

Schmidt, I think you forgot about this box.

Oh, oh, that's cool. Thanks, man.

- I appreciate it. - Oh... you got a Cece box.

So what? It's not like everybody

hasn't seen your Phylicia Rashad box.

- No, you hav... You have? - Birthday card...

Don't... please don't go in the Cece box. Don't do...

a crude drawing of...

you and Cece and your mixed-race child.

Yes, I painted that.

Ooh, five dollars! Come to daddy.

This five dollars belongs in the box.

It's from the night that I first met Cece.

Looks like it's finally just the two of us, huh?

Oh, God, you're about to say something stupid, aren't you?

Yeah.

Girl...

And then I said something stupid, and Cece

made me put money in the douche bag jar.

What'd you say? You say you can flex

- your butt cheeks like pecs? - I bet you were all like,

"You're making my dong go crazy!"

I bet he said something chauvinistic...

...that comes from insecurity

but ultimately leads to something endearing.

You know, it doesn't matter what I said.

- Nonessential, right? - Exactly.

So, good-bye, Cece.

May some poor street urchin

with a perfect 34-D

enjoy the sports bra that you left in my car.

We got to tell Schmidt

that Cece is in love with him.

Right now, he is out there

throwing away all of his Cece mementos,

acting like he's just going to move on.

Jess, I cannot watch this when I know what I know.

- I know. - We got to tell him.

I promised her I wouldn't get involved.

I always meddle. I've learned my lesson.

She's trying to get Schmidt out of her system,

and we have to support her,

even if it means letting her climb a mountain

with no prior knowledge or experience.

Yeah, but does she know that Schmidt and Fawn broke up?

Is she getting our voice mails?

I don't know. She hasn't called me back.

Maybe there's no reception on the top of Mount Shasta.

We try again.

- Hey, Cece, it's Je... - Hey, yo, Ceec, what up, fam?

It's your girl Winston, aka Winnie the Bish,

aka-ak-aka Brown Lightning.

Schmidt dropped Fawn like a bad habit, okay,

so ain't nobody riding shotgun.

So you better get on while the getting is good.

You got it?

I hate that you're so good at this.

I was so nervous.

Look at all this crap.

Look at this.

"Associated Strategies."

"Ass Strat." What a joke.

More like "Butt Strat." This place is total butt.

Hey, Jess, it's our sex mug.

- What? - What?

Oh... nothing.

It's just a mug that Nick and I used for sex.

- Oh, gross. Like, in it? - Ew! What?

No. No, we used it when we were dating.

It was hard to find times

to be intimate with everyone around,

so we needed to come up with a code.

Just a way to let each other know we were aroused

without arousing suspicion.

That's wordplay.

It's also a free writing lesson.

When one of us

left the mug on the entryway table...

"Ass" out meant it was time to...

- Make love... - Bone.

Yeah, make love.

We're getting rid of this thing... especially since

you guys aren't using it anymore, right?

- Right. - Wrong.

I, Winston L'Andre Bishop,

saw that very mug on this very hallway table

just last week...

"Ass" very out.

Ooh...!

Winston, that mug hasn't seen

any action in over a year.

You're off your rocker.

If I were off my rocker,

would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

Oh, Winston.