Smoke

Morning, everyone.

Morning.

My name is David Gudsen,

and I'm Chief Arson Investigator for Umberland.

Who remembers the Old Sully's fire?

Okay. Tell me about it.

-Uh, three years ago, I think. -Four.

Uh, it burned up.

Uh, five people were killed, several injured.

Anyone remember the cause?

Faulty electrical?

Yeah.

Good memory.

Faulty electrical in the ceiling.

One box overheated and...

Still shouldn't have been a problem. Old Sully's had a good sprinkler system,

more than enough fire doors, clearly marked exits.

So, what could go wrong?

The sprinkler system was designed to suppress the fire, not extinguish it.

And it couldn't handle a fire that big.

The fire doors were left over from a previous merging of two buildings.

And when they dropped, they formed a wall here,

which might've been okay

if this access door wasn't blocked by this pallet of barbecue grills,

which were delivered just 20 minutes before.

What'd you do this morning?

Before you arrived in this room, what'd you do?

Hmm?

Hi.

-Uh, I got up... -Yeah.

...had breakfast.

Toasted bread you'd bought,

scrambled eggs you'd found at the supermarket.

Had a kale smoothie and some egg whites.

Okay, fair enough. And then?

-I showered, got dressed, came here. -Mmm. Mmm.

After this, what's your plan for the rest of the day?

I don't know, um, uh, drink?

Then grocery shopping.

You always take a drink before you go grocery shopping?

-Do you work out? -Yeah.

You work out, you go home,

brush your teeth, tweeze your eyebrows, whatever, you go to bed.

Get up, next day you do the same thing.

You eat, you shower, you do your job,

you shop for groceries, you work out, you go to bed.

You plan, you organize.

You control your environment.

Except,

that says there is no control.

Oh, my God.

And that says,

"Your order, meet my chaos. And my chaos wins."

Unless your plan is better than chaos.

Yet no plan is.

Still, some are better than others...

...because they accept chaos.

They accept the flame will jump the line.

There's a vent no one mentioned.

There's oil residue in the corner of the room.

The sprinklers don't work.

Your oxygen tank doesn't have as much air as its gauge says.

Now, my job is to ascertain the cause of a fire, not to save a life.

That's your job.

But if I can help you understand fire and the people who set them...

maybe I can save your life.

Hide your shit. Five-O is here.

Motherfucking Mateo. How's the kid?

Forehead's so big, it's basically a five-head.

I'll show you pics.

Look who he gets it from.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. Thank you.

Bart. Yo.

All right.

I see that leg's working again.

-My man. How you doin'? -How you doin'?

-All right? -Get outta here.

Oh, so you know me now, huh?

When I said you could pick the spot, I was hoping you were gonna say Denny's.

Denny's doesn't got cockfighting.

I appreciate you coming here.

Roman's 250. Silvo's 180.

-Guapo's 50. Chuckie's 450. -Okay.

You hustling these fools?

No hustle.

It's observation.

Some people fight their cocks when they're desperate for cash.

Others fight the cocks when the birds are ready.

You just gotta know who's behind on rent.

So the bitch found God again?

I guess so.

Where? In a bottle of gin?

All these long years, you could have visited her.

You really just said that to me? You really just fucking went there?

-I'm all about peace, baby. -Oh.

-Hate eats the soul. -Or Mom does. One of the two.

I don't have your anger, little sis.

You ain't got my memories.

And how's the house?

So that's what we gonna do? We-We gonna change the topic?

You gonna bring me all the way here to talk about fucking home improvement?

-Don't be a punk. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I gave up the booze 'cause of what happened.

Me talking shit to you.

You mean you grabbing me.

Grabbing you. Yeah, okay. All right. I was out of line.

Yeah.

You gave up booze?

Mm-hmm. Two whole days.

Then, you know, I got thirsty.

You are a thirsty-ass motherfucker.

Nah, you and me, we don't do each other like that.

No, we don't.

I'm waiting. I mean, at any moment, it's...

What?

-Two words, motherfucker. -Okay.

Like, it's just two words. Is it that hard?

Okay, one's a contraction, actually.

Fuck off.

-I'm sorry. -Goddamn, thank you.

Shit.

You want another beer, or are you gonna shank me or some shit?

-I might take this bottle to your head... -Oh.

...or some shit. Come on.

-How's dinner? -It's good.

I used extra cheese.

It's exquisite.

I was thinking we could go to the record store downtown on Saturday.

Oh, Sheryl Crow dropped a new record?

Don't dis my music.

That Irish punk record you bought last time

sounded like bagpipes begging to die.

-I know. It was awesome. -Mmm.

And after we can hit up that fancy burger joint

Dave won't stop talking about.

Dave's coming?

He's off work.

I figured we could all go.

People fight.

We all say stupid shit when we're mad. That's part of being in a relationship.

So that's why Dave's a two-faced dick?

He's not a dick.

As long as he makes you happy.

Santa came early this year.

What did that corpulent North-Polian bring?

-Bird tags. -I worry about his heart.

We place the tags in bags, stack them in numerical order,

have a clerk write down the numbers at the beginning of each day.

If we find a tag at a crime scene,

we go watch the surveillance,

count the customers until we find our man.

You wanna use chicken jewelry to track shopping bags?

They're six cents apiece.

What do you know about that?

Merry Christmas.

You know, we're putting a lot of faith in some high school dropouts

who can barely operate a Slurpee machine.

All they gotta do is operate a pencil.

What if he shops at a different store?

Then we will be exactly where we are right now.

Well, right now I'm staying late at the office

instead of eating dinner with my wife.

There's the door, Investigator.

Mmm, well, it's 9:30.

It's too late for a hot dinner.

Too early to avoid doing the dishes.

Uh...

No man's land.

Wait, so you were... you were actually married prior to the... the one now?

-Twice. Yeah. -Oh, shit, Gudsen. Wow, okay.

What about you, Detective Calderone? Any lucky suitors?

Seeing someone, but it's not gonna last.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Spill.

Uh, you know, uh, it's a rebound.

Mmm.

See, my ex, he was, um...

successful.

Like, a legit tough guy.

You know, I mean,

motherfucker would boss me around, throw me around.

Had my fucking life in a choke hold and told me I liked it.

So, you know, this new guy,

he's a fucking pussy.

And yet he-he tells himself...

he tells himself that he's like a untouchable genius.

It couldn't be further from the truth.

No, see he's... he's failing at work,

ruining our relationship,

and he cannot keep his dick hard longer than a goddamn commercial break.

Mmm, give the guy a break.

Maybe he's under a lot of pressure.

I don't invest in losers.

I mean, shit, sounds like you're just looking for the exit door.

It does, right?

Fuck. What are you doing with this guy?

Wow.

Okay, but, you know,

it's actually nice to have an escape route,